"Cancer Schmancer"

Whats Everyone Been Doing?

2011-02-25T16:12:00.000-08:00

Savannah & Mom

Savannah

Jimmy at State

Jimmy taking 1st at Zone

Anyone out there? After almost two months I'm sure I have lost most of you readers.

I haven't written because I decided at the 1st of the year I would end my blog. So I wanted to do one last entry with a well written bang! Well I haven't been able to make myself sit down and write something; well something I feel that would convey my feelings so I have procrastinated. I can't remember if I made New Year resolutions. But if I did ,that would be one of them NO PROCRASTINATING!

The last two months have been good. I am feeling better. Some days I feel great and the next I am exhausted. Basically I think this will be my life the next year but that's fine. My bones hurt less and less. I still tire easily, I think its some of the meds I have to take. I definitely don't have as many Dr. Appointments, I hope that saves on the money. So health wise I feel good as well as the family. A lot of people have been getting sick but knock on wood my kids haven't. I think the flu shot has helped them.

For the latest BIG news-

1. My little Savannah turned 8 and got baptized. She was so excited and looked so cute. We had family and friends come celebrate this occasion with her, that made the day even better. I am so proud of her for making the decision to get baptized.

2. My parents got their mission call to the West Indies. They are excited and well, full of many emotions. They leave April 11Th. I am happy and excited for them. They are great examples to the family. Although I am happy for them I am sad for me. I am going to terribly miss them. I talk to my mom a couple of times a week and when ever I need a change of scenery I take my kids and head to Grandmas house. Now where will we go? Any offers?

3rd. My son Jimmy took 1st in Zone (wrestling)and took 4Th at State. We are so proud of him. He has only wrestled the last two years. Not bad for basically just starting out. State was in Reno, so we drove up with the kids except Asia and Savannah. We knew it would be hard on them, with the drive up and back and then sitting in a gym for 2 days straight. Oh did I say it would be hard on them I meant it would be hard on me. Haha

Well this is the update on me and the family. We are still here. Going to school, doing homework, doing laundry, making dinners, cleaning, trying to fulfill our Church callings the way we should and just being together as a family. You all know, the usual.

I will really try to sit down and finish my last post this week, or maybe the next!

No Regrets,

New Year's: Look Not behind Thee

2011-01-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

2011-01-07T15:58:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! How has the first week gone for everyone's New Years Resolutions? Did you even make any or think about it? How has your success been so far?

For me, I did ok, but by Friday I realized I need to change a few of them. I don't want to change the goals I have chosen, but just how I thought I would acheive them. I posted the New Years video because I really liked the message. This past year has been very hard, it has been very spiritually uplifting, life changing and something I don't want to forget (at least the lessons I have learned). There have been moments when I am so happy it is over, and then the anxiety creeps in about what may happen. Will I ever have cancer again? What trouble may beset me in the coming years? I have come to the conclusion that: 1). I am going to learn from the past. Try hard to put into practice those things that have anchored me. 2). Pray I will be prepared for the future. Stay close to the Spirit and let it guide me. 3). Just live life to the fullest right now. Enjoy what I can accomplish, and relish the time I have with my sweet children in a much more healthy body.

So with that said I am excited in what lies ahead for the future. I am ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh I sound so excited and brave, but none of us really know what lies ahead? So let's just know whatever it brings, we will be able to do it!

Merry Christmas !

2010-12-23T19:52:00.000-08:00

Wow! I guess it's been awhile since I have written. This month has been a busy one. I tried posting once but couldn't seem to express my feelings on paper(computer).
Up until last weekend I have been in pain, it has been on my left side from my eye down to my shoulder, armpit and then back. I have been going to Dr's all month trying to figure out where its coming from. I know it has something to do with my lymphatic system. Anyway for whatever reason I have felt better this week. My kids think it has something to do with them being on school break. They may be right!
This Christmas I didn't start shopping until this week and its been kind of nice. Instead of shopping I have enjoyed looking at the Christmas lights and reading Christmas stories to my children. We have TrIeD to do many activities that were centered around Christ. I have thought a lot about Mary and Joesph. We would not be celebrating Christmas without the birth of Jesus and what he means to us and yet I think of Mary how pure she must had been to be chosen to be his mother. I am in awe of her, what a righteous women she must have been. Studying her and Joesph make me want to strive harder to be a good mom and worthy of my children. I feel like last year at this time I was tired, sick and stressed. I can't help but think about where and what me and my family were doing last year at this time. I had gone through 3 surgeries and had started Chemo. As I write this I can't seem to contain my emotions. On Christmas day last year my husband shaved my head. I remember just staring at myself bald and my little kids faces, their faces will be embedded in me forever. As my family had gone to bed I went in the bathroom took off my beanie and didn't recognize the person before me. What a year. Anyway, as I was saying I feel like last year I was preoccupied and didn't help my children focus on what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. So we have enjoyed celebrating this season.
Every year I tell myself that I am going to do a Christmas letter, and now its almost over and I haven't done one. I just want to tell my family and friends I appreciate them sending me one. I love it and so just maybe I will get one out next year.
I want to tell all of you Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy being with family and friends and will be able to feel our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christs love for you.

Merry Christmas!

Procrastination Is My Middle Name

2010-12-02T11:03:00.000-08:00

I really hate to admit this, but I think I may be a procrastinator. Ouch! that actually hurts to say or write out loud. I have wanted to write and have had different things I wanted to write to remember forever but now they are long forgotten. My memory is very short lived lately.

I do remember how much fun I had Celebrating Thanksgiving. I am so grateful to be surrounded by family and be able to sit down and eat good food that was prepared with love and if I helped a little stress.

The cousins played around the clock and of course they all want to stay at Grandmas. Poor worn out Grandma and Aunt Tiesha. She is my sister that lives in Gilbert Arizona so when she comes she tends to have alot of my children. But she did get a break one day? All the girls went shopping on Friday, then went to Breakfast, went to the Santa workshop and then more shopping. We ran into so many friends and family while shopping and I ran into several of nurses that have worked with me over the last year. It was fun to see and visit them somewhere other then at the hospital or dr's office.

On Saturday we went to a movie with all the kids and then the Adults went out to Dinner. I love visiting with my siblings and their spouses. Much better then when my brothers chased me around and through the house when I was little. I would end up running to my moms bedroom locking the door then going in her bathroom locking that door and hiding in a cupboard. Don't worry they didn't beat me but it was the fear. And I am the oldest. Ha ha

My family ended our 12 days of Gratitude and they all loved it. I decided I am going to share one of my sons letter we received from him regarding gratitude. http://www.missionsite.net/eldercannon
If you go to Cody's link just hit on latest letter and the letter will pop up.

I don't mention him alot because he is on a mission in Paraguay for 2 years. He will be returning this August and we get to talk to him on Christmas. He is loving it and has grown so much.(Spiritually,mentally, and physically). We love and miss him but so grateful for his example.

As the Christmas season begins I hope you all can enjoy and feel our Saviors love for us. I started listening to Christmas music on Thanksgiving and I'm TRYING to do things with my children that will make our Christmas focused on Christ and not as much on Santa. I love this time of year and as I think of last year at this time, I am so glad(understatement)that its a new year.

What Are You Grateful For?

2010-11-22T15:52:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the Breast Cancer Symposium. There was a Doc. Panel with 2 of my favorite Dr's. I have to say when they walked into the room I cried. Not quite sure why, maybe because I feel like they are good, smart, kind Dr's that helped me through the toughest time in my life.

After they spoke they had a lady speak that has survived cancer 3 times and she talked about the importance of attitude. She was good.

After the speakers we preceded into the Dixie Center and did the pink glove dance. It was fun and I felt free.

Then we had a luncheon and Fashion Show. It was a nice day and it is always fun to see other lady's and connect with them.

I thought maybe I would go Christmas shopping after but I was tired, well actually exhausted and I just came home and laid on my bed. Since I chose to lay in bed I should be making dinner instead of writing, so this will be short and sweet. What should I make? What are you making for dinner?

My kids have been having fun with coming up with what they are grateful for. I thought I would list a few.

Asia-As she giggles she says Jesus

-My family

Savannah-That I have a mom that tucks me into bed each night.

-That I am beautiful(I'm glad she thinks that, but we did laugh).

Rudy-For Dr's that help us get better, like fixing my knee so I could walk.

-For my Teacher Mr. Adams

Kylie-For my mom & Dad that gives us a home and a warm bed to climb into at night.

-For a bathroom that has a toilet that flushes, she then reminds us that Grandma had a outhouse when she grew up.

Jimmy-For my girlfriend

-For School(Surprise)

These are a few of the things they have said, we have had alot of fun. They have all mentioned how hard it is to just choose one each night. They have said that they do realize they are very lucky and very blessed. I think they are wise realizing so young.

What Else But Gratitude!

2010-11-15T12:37:00.000-08:00

Our family started are yearly tradition yesterday. It is the 12 days until Thanksgiving. Every year I think I will do it all month but I am not that organized.
We start the 12 day count down by listing something we are grateful for each night. Then on different nights we will have stories on gratitude or we will write letters or notes to whomever my children want to tell that they are grateful for. We will do random service projects for someone and of course bake cookies for someone. My kids get excited and it makes them think and realize that they have a wonderful life and our lucky. Each night is alittle different. I also get excited, but since I'm not as organized as I would like to be or try to be, it can stress me alittle by the end. I hate to admit that!
I have been debating on if I should share this story but hopefully it won't come back to bite me. We started out sharing one thing we are grateful for and when it was Rudy's turn
he said in all seriousness "I am grateful for my privates".
I said " What did you say?"
Rudy "My privates"
I said "Why would you say that?'
Rudy"Heavenly Father is smart, I had the worst stomach ache and after going the bathroom I thought to myself, that would be so gross if that just stayed in my body, and my stomach would be so full and look fat if all the water I drank never came out of me.
I said "yes that is true with a sigh of relief"
Rudy "I am glad that we have privates and they work so good"
I said "Me to"
That was not the answer I was prepared for. I was waiting for some answer like he was glad to have friends or glad for his dad, not privates. Ha ha
I had Dr. Appointments last week that were rescheduled for this week. I was sick last week so I am glad I didn't have to go. But it will be a busy week and I hope they can figure out why I keep getting pain in my eye, cheek and top of my head. When it hurts and I get frustrated I remind myself how grateful I am that it is not cancer.

Here is a gratitude Quote for this post-

"If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get". Frank A. Clark

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." John F. Kennedy

Feeling Safe and Secure

2010-11-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

It's Friday night, my husband Jim and my son Rudy left early this morning to go Elk hunting. Is it wrong to say Whew! It's just me and my 3 little girls home. They are content to have Turkey sandwiches and for whatever reason I feel like I can just relax. I don't even clean the house.
Tonight me and my girls turned up the music, grabbed our microphones and then sang and danced throughout the house. We had so much fun! We giggled and laughed until we were exhausted. As I write they have put their PJ's on and climbed in my bed. Of course they are sleeping with me. Their dad is gone and they know that means we all pile in together. I love it! Even if I get kicked or a flailing arm hits my face I still love it.
But I am a parent that whenever my kids come in my room and want to sleep with me I let them, whether it be because they are scared or cold. When they climb in and curl up to you and they feel warm and safe. They seem to fall asleep so fast. Oh how I love that.
It brings memories of my own childhood. I remember doing the same thing to my parents. I still can feel the warmth of my parents bed and security I felt when climbing into their old water bed. How lucky I am to have such great parents. Here I am 25 OK maybe 30, 35? Oh OK I just can't seem to say my real age.(Its because I danced and sang like a teenager tonight). I still love to climb into my parents bed and visit with my mom and dad. I know I had many conversations with my parents snuggling by them that shaped me to be the person I am today. It's the stillness of the night when you are laying there and can talk about anything. Did I say how much I love my parents!

My sweet moments of the week

I caught Asia singing while standing on the bar stool in front of the fridge. While looking in the fridge she was singing"I love Jesus and I KNOW he loves me" repeating it several times. She was so happy.

Rudy getting ready to go hunting and tells me "I am going to miss you tucking me into bed." Then he whispers don't tell dad or Jimmy I just said that.

Kylie grabbing my hand to hold and saying"I'm so glad you taught my class today" while we were walking with the class to the lunchroom.

I was volunteering for the book fair at my children's school and while I was there the nurse came in and told me that Savannah had fallen on her back on the monkey bars. She was OK but wanted to see me. The nurse sent her down to me and as soon as she saw me she started crying and ran to me. She told me how bad it hurt and how scared she was. After she cried for a minute she felt better and went to class. Now I know I just didn't change the world but to me that moment felt so important and I was so glad that I could just hold her for a minute and be there for her.

The Unexpected!

2010-10-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

The last 72 hrs have been a whirlwind. I went to my appointments and the first one was fine but the 2nd, Dr. H ended up ordering a MRI for me. The day was stressful. My eye on the left side and part of the top of my head has hurt for about 5-6 weeks. I have tried to link it to something perhaps maybe a sinus infection, head cold? But the pain has gotten more intense as the weeks have gone by. After doing a few tests my Dr. said it was time to do a MRI. He tells me in the nicest way possible that he was worried it was the big C word. He then scheduled the test for the same day and said he didn't want to wait another day. I went over to radiology and was told that it would take about 25 minutes. 3 hrs later I was done. The MRI machine would stop working while I was in the small little tube. I didn't realize how claustrobic I was. It's one thing to go in the tube for 15 minutes but to stay in there for a long period of time was pushing it.

After the MRI I went over to Red Mountain Resort & Spa. For Breast Awareness Month the Spa invited Survivors to a Celebration Of Survival. They had light refreshments and mini stations to have head back massages, hand massages, life coach to talk to, a lady that reads cards. I had so much fun! It felt so good talking to others going through the same thing, I feel so validated when talking to others. I really am not a wimp and making things up, everyone else has the same aches, pains and also worries. That night helped me relax alittle.

The next morning I went to the Pumpkin Run. I love watching my kids. They are all so unique and have a different perspective on competion and just the race itself. While watching them I couldn't help but keep checking my phone waiting for the Dr. to call with the results.
At 11:30 am my Dr. called and said well the good news is---------You don't have Cancer and no signs of a mini stroke. He thought I would have one those two things. The poor Dr. I couldn't keep my emotions in check. I felt like I could breathe along with feeling exhausted. He said the bad news is----------I don't know what is wrong but something definitely is. I told him I was fine with that as long as I don't have cancer I can live to find out. So I will start going to see more Dr.'s and having tests. Whew! It's not cancer.
My thoughts turn to the loved ones I know that are still struggling and have struggled with cancer for far too long and know that in heaven they were much stronger then me. I love You!

Mothers Making the World A Better Place

2010-10-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

I just pulled up my blog and noticed I haven't written in quite awhile. So what should I say? I'm sure I have done something in the last few weeks. Of course, I now remember. I have washed at least 3-4 loads of laundry a day. Folded clothes, put some away and some stayed in the basket. I have washed dishes, made countless meals(some good and some not so good). I have vacuumed, dusted, cleaned bathrooms. I have gone visiting teaching. I have substituted here and there. I have spent countless hours helping children do homework, tried to have fun but spiritual family home evenings with out someone leaving the room crying or fighting. I have held scripture study with my kids feeling so productive until I quiz them hours later and they say"I can't remember us reading that?" I have stayed up late waiting for my son to come home for the night to waking up early with my youngest daughter Asia, thinking to myself did I get any sleep?
So as I write this I have to laugh because I realize that I have been busy and although I am not traveling the world, I am changing the world and making it a better place by staying at home raising my children. How lucky am I to be a mother!
Last weekend was homecoming and the football team played great and won! The beginning of the game I noticed all the football players had pink tape wrapped around their cleats. I was glad that someone made them aware of Breast Cancer. As the game started I had a couple of mothers come up to me and say the team was wearing that for me. My own son plays on the team and he hadn't said a word. Well they honored the seniors and their parents that night down on the field before the game. As I stood by my son he whispered to me "look at all the guys cleats, we are wearing that color for you tonight" Tears came to my eyes, how thoughtful. I still don't know who came up with the idea coaches, kids, their parents? Whoever,I appreciate it! and I know other Breast cancer survivors appreciate it too. Love you!

Tomorrow I have 2 Dr. Appointments. I will let you all know how they go.
I also will be posting pictures of the events I have been involved in this month.

The Journey of a Year

2010-10-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

These pictures show how I look on the outside, but they also reflect how I was feeling on the inside. I am surprised at how much I miss my red hair. I look at the picture with the red hair and I realize how much I have grown in the last year. I am still the same person but stronger, better relationship with my Heavenly Father and have a better understanding of who I am becoming.

No Regrets!

Shaquel

July 28, 2009

The look I miss!!!

March 16, 2010

OUCH!!!

June 13, 2010

The Beginning!

October 12, 2010

ME Today!!!

Breathe

2010-10-08T17:19:00.000-07:00

Yahoo its Friday! Do any of you feel a sigh of relief when its Friday? Whether it be you don't have work the next day or for me its because my kids don't have homework due the next day. Now I am a parent that thinks kids don't get all the education or help they need at school; so I know that homework and reading are important for them to do. Oh, before I forget I better say teachers are great well most, I really do believe they are Saints but there are too many kids at different levels and the teacher basically needs help from the parents to make sure kids excel. Now that I have said that I still say I REALLY DISLIKE HOMEWORK! It's kind of like the same problem the teachers have with so many students . I also have many kids at home and they too are all on different learning levels. By the time you help each one it seems that one kid is crying saying I just don't understand math or how much longer do I have to read? Do I really have to practice the piano or oh I forgot I have a report due tomorrow and its 9pm(my high schooler)can you help me? What do you do ? Help him although you are so tired and want to go to bed or say well that's a bummer for you, have fun working on it and hope he learns his lesson and won't do it again. I am the mom that says oh great I'll help ,if you promise you won't wait until last minute next time. So as I was saying Fridays are heaven to me.

Then for some reason Saturday morning arrives they quickly do their chores and then off to play with friends. My kids could live outside. They have played at the water park, made a lunch and sat in the shade at the church. They climbed trees, rode their bikes, made ramps for jumping bikes and played in the ditch that is empty but full of mud. They are so happy and they seem so sweet with no worries. I almost forget how grouchy they can be when Monday rolls around and we are doing homework.

Jinxed!

2010-10-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

I feel jinxed! After several hours of getting a different computer hooked up to my printer and getting it to actually work; I now can't get my printer to work. I feel like screaming, especially when I hear the mans voice over and over that says "put paper in auto feeder"! It is in the paper auto feeder! But it doesn't work.
I have been trying to learn more about computers, but I finally think that I am jinxed when it comes to any kind of computer. They are so frustrating.
I was thinking I would put new pictures up, but not today. I have know more patience.
So I thought to calm myself down I would think about why this week was so wonderful.

Top 10 Reasons this week has been wonderful !

1- My house is clean, I worked really hard and I mean hard!

2-My friends little boy Anson and my Asia were playing while we were trying to fix my computer. We go see what they are doing and they had gotten into the fingernail polish. Yes, I threw 19 empty bottles away. They emptied them in my bedroom. But the great news is we got the nail polish out of the carpet it only took us oh, lets just say several hours of trying everything to get it out. Yes its a nice week!

3-We had a great family Home Evening!

4-I haven't been as tired as last week!

5-My kids still love to go to school and that does include Rudy.

6-My kids ate their dinner each night without complaining.

7-I forgot to pay my phone bill so I had no phone for two days. It was quiet! ( I seriously thought I had paid it).

8-I spoke to a friend that I haven't talked to for forever.

9-I feel healthy

10-I have had all week to look forward to listening to Conference. I love General Conference. I love that spiritual boost you receive.

Hope you all had a great week l have the same for the weekend!

One Year Ago Today!

2010-09-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

Last week I took my two boys to my family physician. They both had needed to see the Dr. He was the one who told me I had cancer. It was the 1st time I had seen him and his nurses since my appointment with him over a year ago. When I saw my Dr. a wave a emotion came over me. (Maybe its that attachment issue I have). I told my Dr. thanks for how kind he was. He had received my results when he was on his way home from work. He ended up calling me around 8:00pm while he was at his daughters b-day party. He apologized for calling so late but didn't want me to have to wait another night.
He then told me I had cancer. I still remember where I was sitting. I was in my girls room sitting on their big lime green chair. He asked me if I had someone with me. I told him no ,but that I was fine. He then proceeded to tell me my 1st step will be to see a surgeon. He asked if I knew any and had a preference, I didn't. He said he would call and try to get me in to the one that if his wife had cancer that's where he would go. I then started my journey. To hear the words 'YOU HAVE CANCER" was probably one of the hardest or most difficult parts of this past year. I didn't cry while talking to my Dr. I was home alone when he had called. When my husband and children came home I didn't cry, I didn't even cry when I told my husband. We didn't tell my kids for a couple of days. My first cry was when I tucked my children into bed that night, I helped them say their prayers, gave them a kiss and the tears started. What if I won't be the one to help them with their prayers and give them a kiss each night. I then got into bed and looked at my husband and cried and then through out the night I would keep going in and looking at my children wondering what are future would be. The tears couldn't stop. I was so scared for the unknown of what could happen. My worst fear I could die and leave my children. For me that night has left a impression on my mind that I will never forget. Three days later I went in for my 1st surgery and the rest is history, right?

What Goes Through Your Mind ?

2010-09-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

I have to say I feel like it has been along time since I have actually sat down and wrote.

After the labor day weekend I started out the week with a bang! I was sick the whole week. I ended up going in and having labs done. I had just a few different kinds of infections in my body. But with the help of the miracle antibiotics I started feeling better within 24 hrs. So I felt good over the weekend. But by Tuesday I felt sick again. I'm thinking what the heck! My Dr. informed me I still may get sick easily although I am CANCER FREE! (I love saying that). Anyway by today I have started feeling better. So here I am trying to think of something to write.

I have been thinking about some of the thoughts I have had this week and I have to say I love people. Maybe that's why I get so attached to so many different people and I will be their forever loyal friend. I love to meet new people, I love funny people, I love my friends from childhood to college, work settings and now the people I associate with. There is nothing better then being with people that make you feel comfortable and can make you laugh. When you haven't spoke to a friend for years and then when you do its like you feel like you were just with them yesterday. I have just been thinking lately how blessed I have been in my life, all the people that come in and out of my life. Do you ever wonder where, what, or how some of the people you have associated with in your life are doing? I do, I still wonder about a girl from high school that I worked with. We both were baggers at the local grocery store. We came from two totally different backgrounds. I always think of the kids I have worked with the past 20 years. Did they get their lives straightened out? Are they happy? In jail? Married? I even think of past boyfriends wondering if their doing alright and living the life they wanted. I think of old roommates that I lived with for just a short time or past co-workers. I wonder throughout are lifetime how many people we have met and associated with. Did we have any affect on them as they had on us? In all actuality its kind of mind boggling to think about. If we had a movie screen that showed all the people we knew. I know I would see people that I can't even remember now. When thinking about all the people I have known I sure hope they are as happy as I am...and that I haven't offended them. If I have offended any of you sorry.

(I know, scary what goes through my mind some days, but I really think its amazing all the people we meet through out are lives)

Here are a few conversations that happened with my children that made me smile this week.

The other night I was talking on my cell phone and my husband was putting the kids in bed. My Savannah has a tendency to keep getting out and coming up with every excuse to prolong her bedtime. While talking on the phone I receive another call. I look at the number and its my house phone. I answer it and its Savannah whispering. She says" Mom I am in bed but dad won't let me get out will you please get me a drink and a snack and oh don't tell dad I called you... ohh and that I have the phone. I look in her room and she is hiding under her covers while talking. I am still laughing.

The other day I was trying to convince Asia to let me comb her hair and let me do something with it. It's really long. As I was trying to tell her to sit down, she looks at me and says mom I don't need my hair combed, I am already boootiful. She then flips her hair and giggles. I think I am in trouble.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

P.S. My hair is getting longer, yeah! I will try to post a picture next week.

2010-09-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

LABOR DAY WEEKEND

My family went to Northern Nevada to visit my husbands family.

Every year they have a parade over Labor Day. My Father-in-law who is the most creative genius I know, made this train for his grand kids to ride in. He took a old 4-wheeler of ours and took the plastic off and then made the train engine. I can't remember what the theme was but he made the train look like a mining train. They covered the candy in gold tin foil to look like gold and the kids got to throw them out to people. They had a blast!

I even think they won 1st prize for their entry in the parade. From the pictures you can tell that they got mining hard hats and the light on the front. Janice put makeup on the kids to look dirty and I have to say they looked so cute.
Thanks Grandpa & Grandma Cannon!

School Is Back In Session

2010-09-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Don't you just hate it when you think of things you need to do but you are somewhere where you can't? That's how I have been this week about posting my blog. My computer has been broke and I thought of all these things I was going to write and now my mind is blank.

I do remember that yesterday I went to see Dr. H.. My favorite Dr. All looks well! Tests came back OK so no worries. After struggling last week it felt good to visit with my Dr. and listen to him remind me that I am not going crazy and I'm not a hypochondriac. He said "your not out of shape and exhausted because you haven't been exercising its because you just received chemo, (poison) in your body it has nothing to do with exercise". He then added"to top it off you also have no estrogen in your body and never will" Reminder to all of you out there that are in the same boat as me we are not hypocondriacs. Anyway I walked away from my visit feeling recharged. Thanks Dr. H..

School started this past Monday. My kids were so excited and looked so cute! They love their teachers and seem motivated to work hard. But I am a realistic parent and know that in a few days they won't be as excited. I wish the excitement would last all year especially with the homework. Their Grandma and Grandpa Andrus had a back to school party for all the grand kids. They went swimming in their pool and had a barbecue. Then Grandma gave each of them back to school presents that they can use. They were so excited and had everything set out Sunday night. They were prepared!

I now get to stay at home with my Asia. She had preschool this morning and then we came home had lunch, read countless books until she fell asleep and here I am. I do have to admit I don't think I will post a long entry because I am going to go join her and not feel one bit guilty for as you know life is so good. I have been able to get up each morning BEFORE my children, feed them a good breakfast and have their lunches made and ready to go. We are able to have family prayer and I can give them a kiss FROM the front door instead of from my bed. So different then last year. I think I may appreciate this year much more then my children. I will forever need to thank my Aunt Darlene who came over each morning and filled in for me. Due to her I don't think my kids missed a beat. Love You!

Believe!

2010-08-23T07:17:00.001-07:00

Today is the beginning of a new week. As I came home this morning from walking and kneeled down on my knees I was reminded how grateful I am to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints ( Mormon). I am so glad that I believe in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the Atonement and how it helps me in my life each day.

Last night was a longggg night I only slept maybe a hour. My body hurt from head to toe. It always seems to be my bones. I lay in bed tossing and turning(you all have had those nights) wanting to sleep. Every time I turned to lay another way my bones in my shoulder, neck,ribs, feet, legs and head hurt. As soon as it was light I forced myself out of bed to go walking. It feels good to be walking and look up and see the clear blue sky and feel the sun shining on me, but today as I tried to enjoy my surroundings I had to try to keep my emotions in check because my body hurt so bad. Eventually discouragement started settling in. Other walkers were passing me and I felt so alone and of course out of shape. I think the reason why I felt lonely was that I knew they (others) couldn't understand why I couldn't keep up with them or why it hurt so bad to walk.

I also have been very apprehensive (I'm not sure if that's the right word) this week. It is my year mark to when I knew something was wrong and I had to go in for two different biopsy's. I knew in my heart I had cancer and I was not letting other people know except my family and a close friend. I remember acting like all was alright as I was preparing my kids for school and sending my son off on a mission. Inside I was a wreck. I am surprised at how I am feeling now, I want Aug/Sept to be over. No surprises.

I went to Walmart today and ran into a lady that had Breast cancer too. I think Heavenly Father new I needed to see her. We were basically diagnosed at the same time. While she was talking I felt relief, although she was crying and I was trying not to. I felt the stress melt away. She feels the same way I do with so many things. I felt normal again.

I then took Savannah to the dentist Dr. P. and he told me that their 2yr was just diagnosed with Leukemia and his wife is due in 2 weeks with their 3rd child. He said it has been hard because his son is still too young to really communicate and tell them how he feels and where it hurts. Tears came to my eyes and I thought back to this morning and all I could think about was the Atonement and how important it is.

As I go to bed tonight I realize that I am truly never alone. I hope all of you feel the same way.

No Regrets,

Kennedy Center Bans Prayer at Beck Event - Meridian Magazine

2010-08-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

Kennedy Center Bans Prayer at Beck Event - Meridian Magazine

"America the Beautiful" live at Jefferson Memorial with the Mormon Taber...

2010-08-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

The Faith of Abraham Lincoln - Meridian Magazine

2010-08-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

The Faith of Abraham Lincoln - Meridian Magazine

2010-08-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

Well I hope everyone reading this blog enjoyed all the videos. I have never really been politcally involved but as I see our country changing, I am nervous actually scared for what lies ahead for my children, grandchildren.

I watched these videos and just wanted to share.

Feeling The Wind In My hair!

2010-08-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

Last night my son was begging me to let him take me on a 4-wheeler ride. I finally gave in. You would be nervous for me if you could see how he drives. Anyway, as I along with Savannah and Asia were being chauffeured by Rudy; we were able to ride in weather that didn't feel like 110 degrees. It was nice, the evening air was cool and it felt good feeling the wind on my face and actually feeling it go through my hair! Yes, can you believe it my hair is still short but long enough to feel that I have some. It was awesome! It has been a long time feeling anything like that on my head. My hair is getting lighter and in the sun you see a little red.
We had been riding around for quite awhile and had started for home when all of a sudden the 4-wheeler starts slowing down and then finally stops. Yes we were out of gas. I told Rudy well I guess that ride is over and we both hopped off and started pushing the 4-wheeler home. As we were pushing we were laughing and blaming one another on who should have checked the gas when Rudy says "Mom its probably a good thing this happened because you didn't exercise this morning and now you can go to bed knowing you finally did". We then push a little further and I was dying my legs were burning and he looks at me and starts laughing and says"And doesn't this feel good". I agreed, especially since I was in my Pj's.
(Savannah pushed for a little while but ended up back on the 4-wheeler with Asia to help her steer.) Although we ran out of gas we had alot of fun !

What's Your Hobby?

2010-08-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went in to Joann's looking for some materials I needed for Activity days.
Well I might as well
been in a foreign country. I walked down each
aisle
slowly looking at everything. I see all different kinds of material,
needlepoint
(stuff), crotcheting yarn, knitting materials, ribbons,
scrapbook paper,
stamps, wooden boxes, paints, etc...I notice my heart
is
beating faster and I am
getting really hot, struggling to catch my
breath,
thinking to myself this store
is killing me. As I am trying to
breathe and
as I am talking to myself saying
and "you thought you were
crafty just
because you made a skirt 2o yrs ago in
Home Ec. well I think
Its time I
learn a new hobby." As I am saying
this I turn
the corner and low
and behold their sits a new sewing machine
that says
its for beginners. I
thought well maybe I should buy it and learn to sew. I read everything on
the box and then the thought comes to my mind
wait.......... I thought I was
going to learn more about my computer and how
it works and
how I can scrap
book on my computer. (I'm sure I don't have
time for
both). So I leave
the store without the sewing
machine ready to go
home and get back on
the computer and learn how
it really works. I decide
I will find some
relaxing hobby after I
am a expert on the computer. I am
driving home
excited thinking well
learning computer skills can be my new hobby and then
wait.....I remembered
that I was going to start focusing on sending
thank
you cards to so many
people from this past year and I was going to be organized
and remember
peoples b-days and just let them know I was thinking of them,
and
then I
thought no I was going to start focusing on cooking better, finding new recipes, so I could provide really healthy but good meals for my family and friends. Oh wait.....
I thought I was going to start taking more pictures and learn how my camera really works.
But then I get home put my comfy
pj's on
and thought to myself I know I was going to do something but I
can't
remember so
I crawled in my comfortable bed that was calling
my name
and fell
asleep.

This is the story of my
life. This is the honest truth of my thoughts today. Crazy I know!
And I don't like the outline of my blog but can't figure out how to change it. Maybe I should focus on my computer skills.

Just Another Day!

2010-07-30T19:41:00.000-07:00

Today I spent the day at the hospital with Rudy. He had his screw taken out of his knee. It was the same place I had all my surgeries the past year. It was nice not being the one going in for another surgery but yet I felt guilty it was my little boy. He was not even nervous. He said "mom it's just how I feel about school, I don't want to go but I know I have to". He then smiled at me as the nurses wheeled him away.

Two hours later Dr. P came out and said Rudys knee looked great except his tendon was really stretched and he was throwing up and struggling to wake up. But overall everything went well. He said a nurse would be out in 20 min. to get me....

An hour went by and the nurse finally came to get me. She said Rudy was having a hard time waking up. He seemed to have some kind of allergic reaction, his eyes were swollen, throwing up and basically looked horrible. So to get to my point we had to stay another 3 hrs in a room to watch his condition improve. Once he improved we finally left. What a long day.

My husband was gone and missed the whole thing. Actually.... He just walked in as I'm typing from being in Canada( hunting). He thought he would be home 3 days ago but due to flight problems he couldn't make it.

I don't want to brag but I held down the old homestead quite well without him. Of course it helps not having to go to some kind of job. Ha ha

The Vacations Are Over!

2010-07-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

Rudy on boogie board
Kalen, Savannah, Asia, Kylie

Savannah running in the kids relays
Rudy running in relay, took 1st, Yeah!

Grandma & Asia swimming

Kylie & Avrie canoeing

Kylie & Avrie shopping at Country Store

Rudy, Matt, Grandpa and Savannah fishing

Savannah & Jemma

Well we are now home from our reunions. We had a blast! Its's fun to watch your kids play with their cousins and get along.

I do have to say that I went to both reunions without my husband. He has been gone hunting in Canada for 20 days. I was tired but not as tired as I thought I would be. I was worried not having my husbands help with the kids and pulling the camp trailor but we managed. Although we did miss him.

So now we are home and back to cleaning and doing lots of laundry, Yeah!

Yesterday I went to Dr. K whom I also love. I love Dr's that actually spend time talking to you. He was checking to see what damage the radiation had done to my skin and my implants and they weren't bad(he was surprized)he said he has seen women 2yrs later that there skin had not gone back to normal above and under the skin. So I was happy.

I hope you all are enjoying your summer becauseeee school is just around the corner, dang it!

On The Road Again!

2010-07-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

My trip to California with my Reber Clan was a blast! Thank you, Thank you! Everything turned out so nice. It was so fun visiting with so many of you and I loveddddddd the food. I need to get a few recipes from all of you. We missed those of you that couldn't attend and I'm sure we talked about you(in a good way).

My kids loved the beach. It's amazing how much kids love water. They didn't want to leave. It's fun watching the kids play with their cousins laughing and having a good time.

Tomorrow I am leaving for another family reunion on my dads side. We have been getting ready all day. I am so lucky to be able to play so much.

Today I went to see my favorite Doctor Dr. H. Everything looks great! The only down side is my bones still don't look to strong so I am getting more medication. I also will start Femara(sp?).
It is a estrogen blocker. I will take that for the next 10 years.

There are so many people getting cancer. It is so scary. I am so blessed to have gone through this year and have it end this way. I appreciate all your prayers.

I was thinking of ending my blog after today, since I got the fantastic news that I am cancer FREEEEEEEE! I then decided to keep writing until the date I was diagnosed with cancer. If I had to write about my daily life it would be quite boring. I wish I was a good writer, I am amazed at some of the blogs that people write. I have to admit it has been very therapeutic writing and hearing your comments. Thanks for all your love and support.

Vacation Time!

2010-07-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

I am off to California! We are going there for a family reunion. We are so excited my kids have been packed for days. They can't wait to play with cousins and have fun in the sun playing on the beach. It will be nice to get out of the heat, yesterday was 109. That is hot!

I will return from our trip in time to head back to one of my favorite Dr's, Dr.H. on Monday. I will have more blood tests, go over my last test results and then start on hormonal drugs to keep all estrogen out of my system, I think? How exciting?

This is my first week I haven't had to head to St. George for a Dr's. Appointment. It has been fannnntastic! I feel like I have been able to do so much more with my kids and of course have alittle more cleaning time.

Hope you all are having a fun summer!

No More Radiation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-08T17:55:00.000-07:00

I am so excited yesterday was my last radiation treatment. I went in feeling giddy, I just kept smiling. All the nurses and other patients were sharing in the excitement with me, I loved it. I laid on the table just looking at the beam so excited I was done. When I was getting ready to go, everyone gave me hugs and told me how much they will miss me. I then went in to visit the Dr., and he told me everything looks great. We visited for awhile talking about the past year and as we were walking out he gave me a big hug. He told me I was done! All the steps I took this past year to get to this point are done, no more major steps to take. I started crying like a baby. I felt like I had come full circle because Dr. W. was the first Dr. I saw after my diagnoses. I remember how scared I was, he made me feel comfortable, and I knew he would do everything he could do to help me. Then to see him on my last day of radiation and to tell me I've done well; it just felt so surreal. So as I said I cried all the way home.

I have so many emotions. As I have thought about my cancer, it makes me also think about my testimony/beliefs. It's my testimony that before this earth life we were in heaven together, happy, willing to come to earth and accept the joys/challenges that come with it. I think of some of you, how righteous and strong you are, and must have been. And still are even if you don't think you are. I don't believe are trials were given to us randomly. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that each of us have a divine purpose/plan and God will help us accomplish that plan whatever that is.

No Regrets,

Happy 4TH Of July !

2010-07-06T06:53:00.000-07:00

I just have a few thoughts I would like to share.

I just got back from walking. While walking two women passed me. I thought to myself "boy they are walking fast, am I that slow and out of shape?'. I kept walking, we met again and they were still cruising, self defeating thoughts came to my mind about how out of shape I am. I then l looked at myself and I wondered if they noticed how I was walking? On my right side, my foot to my knee was completely numb and I was concentrating on walking right so I wouldn't trip. On my left side I had my elbow bent and stuck out so my arm couldn't touch my side. I am so burned from radiation that from collar bone to the middle of my chest and under my arm pit is a deep red and purplish color. So uncomfortable. Anyway as they passed me and said they just completed their last lap, I said to myself oh my heck they lapped me, BUT as I felt the pains in my body and looked at myself walking funny, I started walking my last lap with a smile on my face and thinking I am at least walking it beats laying on my bed or bathroom floor.

Don't compare yourself!

This past weekend was the 4Th. I hope you all had a good time celebrating. I love the 4th. I was looking up information on our founding fathers for my family home evening lesson. As I was reading different articles I found info. on how Columbus believed in God and how he prayed to him, I then went on to find stories about George Washington and his belief in pray and how he received answers from God. Then Abe Lincoln relying on guidance through pray from God and so forth.

I then looked at are government and thought if only they would all PRAY to God and ASK for guidance and then LISTEN to his answers and then FOLLOW them, I think I would feel much safer in whats going on in the world. I then thought of us "We the People". How important it is to us that we study and find info. about the people running and then........... get down on are knees and ask for direction and guidance regarding them.

I know my thoughts aren't to deep and insightful but I guess it made me sad after studying and thinking about how the early Presidents truely believed and relied on God to now, if they do believe in God they don't dare say it.

President Monson said "A man stands tallest when upon his knees".

Love this quote!

I just have a few more days left for radiation. I am so excited I may be shouting from the rooftops that I am done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

Well today was my birthday! I have had such a nice day. My friends Janariah and Teddi went with me to radiation and then off to lunch and shopping. I have to say It doesn't get much better then shopping with girlfriends. I love spending time with them. They are such good friends! Thanks Janariah and Teddi, love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up not to excited that it was my birthday, but then Kylie reminded me of how we all felt when I was diagnosed with cancer and the fears we had. As my family sang Happy Birthday to me with such enthusiasm and excitement, they could hardly contain themselves while watching me open the gifts they had given me. I couldn't help get alittle emotional . I looked at each of my children grinning ear to ear and and thought to my self, this is what life is all about. All of a sudden I was excited to celebrate this day and I am so grateful that I am here with family and friends to celebrate it and feeling oh so good!!

Many thanks for all the calls, cards, and gifts. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful friends and family. Many Thanks to you all! Love Ya!!!

Surviving The Heat

2010-06-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

I just got back from radiation. It was a quick trip up and back. Of course I made my routine stop on the out of town to get gas, drink and depending on the day some candy. I drove home grateful that I have a nice car and I can drive in this 111degree heat wave in a air conditioned car. I am also glad that I have had no car troubles. flat tires, etc......

Today I woke up exercised, went grocery shopping and had two loads of laundry done by 8:00am. Aren't I amazing? OK so your not impressed, me neither since that is about all I accomplished today. But.........I do have a good excuse, my body hurts today. My feet ,ankles, shins, calves, knees, all the way up to my shoulders. I feel like what I think a 90 year would. I can't wait to have all my pains go away. I'm sure they will, with all the vitamins I am taking, plus power of the mind, right?

This weekend we took our kids up to Zion. We watched the IPEX movie, had a picnic and went on a short hike. It was fun to get away for the day. On the way home we stopped at Grandma and Grandpas house to swim and had some strawberry shortcake. It was so good!

Whats Normal?

2010-06-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I feel like I can breathe. I'm not sure why I feel that way. It's been a nice week - nothing too stressful. But for whatever reason, I can take in slow breaths and relax.

Tonight I went to the "Look good feel better" class. It is offered by the American Cancer Society. You are invited to go after being diagnosed with cancer. I went right before I started my chemo and it was my wake up call that shouted..............YOU have cancer and you are in for a ride of your life.!!!!!!!!!!! What a reality check for me.

I remember sitting down in the conference room and watching women remove their scarves and wigs and thinking to myself: this is real and I don't want to do this. I don't want to look like this.

Tonight as I sat there the wave of emotions flooded my mind again as I watched and visited other women that were bald and listened to their stories. I felt for them and yet at the same time I was so grateful it was not me starting out. I am so glad that I am on the tail end of this incredible year. I say incredible because, well, it just was.

I was able to visit with a friend, Andrea, that I had met in the beginning. We compared our hair (she is about 3 months ahead of me). We talked about many things: how vain we felt when we just wanted our hair back , worries about how are husbands and children have taken the last year, what different women we are now, to all the firsts that we have had to do. Like going out in public for the first time with a scarf, going out with no scarf and just the stubble of hair on our heads, the first time wearing a wig, first time after surgery and looking down and not seeing any breasts. Wow!

I love being around other women that have had cancer. I feel safe, normal (everyone has about the same haircut or will have the same) and accepted. When I was diagnosed I really didn't want to have anything to do with anyone that had cancer or talk about it. But now it brings me much comfort.

Thank you for the nice compliments. It's very much appreciated.

I Feel Brave!!!

2010-06-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

I'm finally showing my new look. I'm glad I have my little girl to help me remember what my true hair color is. But for now, I'm not sure I like the color but I am glad to have hair. That is what dye is for, right? I am hoping to get braver and start going outside without my scarf soon. That scarf is really HOT. So if you see me out and about with my new look, BE KIND.

Mini Vacation

2010-06-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

Another week has passed. This week has flown by. I took my 3 girls and stayed at my moms in St. George. My dad was gone on a business trip so it was all girls week. It was fun, relaxing and I was able to help my mom clean her garage out. (That's not easy).Ha ha

We started out the week in Grandmas pool by Monday evening my sister-in-law Kristen had gone into labor so by brother Jimmy brought his 3 kids over. Then my other sister-in-law Jackie brought her 3 boys over. We had dinner and then my mom wanted to take all the kids on a hike in Snow Canyon. She said there was a cool hole in this rock that would be fun to take pictures. We had one 2yr, two 3yrs, one 4yr. one 5yr,one 7yr, one 8 yr, one 9yr, one 12yr.-Total of 9 children. It was me, my mom and Jackie. My mom informed us it was not a long hike for the little kids it took only about 10 minutes from where we parked. It was a nice evening the kids were full of energy so out we went. We were hiking about 15 minutes and I ask my mom are we almost there? She says yes just around this corner, to make this story short we ended up hiking up and down and around hills and we arrived about 35-45 minutes later. The kids didn't complain they were having fun and we took some pictures. We started on our way back and my mom realized she forgot her keys on one of the rocks and it was getting dark. So she goes back, Jackie and Milo stay with her and I try to keep up with the kids. We ended up hiking under a beautiful moon and arrived back at 10:30pm.

The kids had so much fun, Little Cooper who is only 2 hiked the whole time and know one ever cried. I even had fun although the whole time I was thinking of Jimmy and Kris and if they knew we were out hiking at 10pm trying to find our way out they might be freaking.

I had taken off my scarf and I felt so free, it was very liberating for me. It felt good hiking under the stars and just listening to the kids talk about random things. I felt healthy and strong .I'm glad we went, thanks mom.

The rest of the week was full of swimming, staying up late, watching movies, shopping, visiting family and of course going to radiation. Thanks Jackie for helping with my kids.

Radiation has really not been bad. I am tired but feel good. Definitely better then chemo. I think I have already said that but its so true.

I cant finish without mentioning my new little niece. She is beautiful, she has lots of black hair and is so little. Her name is Raime Rose. Hope your feeling good Kris.

No Regrets,

Sleeping like a baby

2010-06-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

I am giving Radiation all the credit even if it doesn't deserve it! I haven't slept very well this past year. I am either awake all night or I need to be on pain pills or use sleeping pills. BUT..... since starting radiation... I fall asleep fast and sleep the whole night. Although I have enjoyed it, it has caused a few arguments with my son Jimmy who is 17. This week I got after him 2 nights in a row for not waking me up when he came home. Now don't be judging me because I'm not the mom that stays up reading by my lamp to greet my son @ midnight and visit. I always wanted to be that mom but after a few tries with Cody I threw that idea out the window and now realize I can visit and find out info over a good breakfast. Anyway back to what I was saying. I just knew Jimmy was coming home after curfew and didn't want me to find out. After getting after him and threatening to ground him or take his phone away,he got upset and swore that he had been waking me up and he was never late. He said that I had full on conversations with him asking him what he did and if he had fun. Today I came home from radiation. I gave him the look-He starts laughing and once again swore he woke me up. He said he had proof this time, he video taped us last night talking and I even said I appreciate him always coming home on time. Oh yeah, after watching the video I started laughing but inside I am still dying. I really hope radiation is to blame because if its not by the time my kids are teenagers they will be out all night.

This week has been good, I am tired of driving to St. George everyday but I really can't complain.

My hair is still growing. My kids and husband say my hair is not long enough to take the scarf off(without them being embarassed). I never thought I would want to take it off this soon but I am ready. Be looking for a picture real soon because I am finally feeling brave to show you my new hair color. It's SO not red. It does make me alittle sad but at this point in time I will take whatever I can get.

No Regrets,

First Week Of Radiation

2010-06-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin? After looking at my last post it was as long as a book, sorry.

It feels like so much has happened this week, I'm not sure what or how to write. My thoughts are all over the place.

Tuesday-I started my radiation, everything seems to be alright. I don't get sick like chemo so that is wonderful.

My daughter graduated from High School.

All my kids had their last day of school Wednesday.

Wed. morning woke up with my hands pure white, numb and very painful up my arm.

Wed. Jims family arrived for the graduation made graduation dinner for everyone.

Thursday woke up same with my hands but it lasted a lot longer.

Friday woke up again to the same problem but it lasted much longer meaning it took a couple of hours for the circulation to come back.

Friday went to radiation mentioned it to the guys doing radiation 10 minutes later I was in my doctors office, 1hr later sent to emergency to get checked for blot clot in my arm. 2 hrs later Dr. said I was fine I went home. Before I left my Dr. he informed me that I was going to have a MRI and go to a eye doctor to get my left eye checked out. It has been hurting for the last 10 days. Apparently it should not be a side effect from radiation or chemo.

Friday night came home exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Saturday-Went to a cancer survivors seminar and listened to a wonderful speaker Phyllis Snow. She has had cancer twice. It was inspiring, rejuvenating, humorous and exactly what I needed.

My New Life

2010-05-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

I hope this may bring comfort to those of you out there that have lost loved ones. My New Life

Memorial Day! Enjoy!

2010-05-28T16:17:00.000-07:00

Whew! This week is over. It started out great on Monday. Tuesday I went for my infusion. The morning I was leaving to go Kylie was all upset, she kept saying "I thought you didn't have to go back for medicine that makes you sick?" I reassured her it was not the same and I was not coming home sick. Wednesday morning I woke up soooooooo sick, my bones hurt. Boy I felt like the biggest liar,but of course Kylie didn't say anything. I couldn't believe that this medicine would make me feel so crappy. As the day went on I felt worse, I couldn't keep anything down. Maybe the flu? I'm still not sure because all symptoms are gone except my BONES HURT and its been 3 days. Ok I'm finally getting to the reason why I am telling you all this. The first night I was so sick I was laying in my bed and I heard Kylie say her prayers. She was asking Heavenly Father to bless her mom and help her so she won't die. Hearing her say those words with such a sweet and tender voice shot right to my heart. A few minutes later I hear Savannah say her prayers and she says"Heavenly father will you please help my moms hair, its not growing back the right color. Will you help her hair grow back red and not any red it needs to be like my red hair".
I spoke to my girls in the morning about there worries. Kylie just said that seeing me so sick that day reminded her of watching me through chemo and I was so sick that she thought I might die. She also reminded me of kids telling her of people that they new that died from cancer. Savannah said that she wanted my hair back the same color because it was something that we shared and if my hair wasn't red she would now be the only one.
This has been a good reminder that this year has truly effected my family. They are doing well but like me and everyone else they too have their own worries and fears. I am grateful to hear my children pray with such faith to their Heavenly Father and realize that they are never alone.

Today was the day I thought I would start radiation but it was a dry-run as my Dr called it. Everything looked good and I will start on Tuesday. I am so excited! Really I want it to ALL be over.

I hope you all enjoy your Memorial Day! I am grateful for all the Men and Women that made this Country a place I can live with the freedoms I have and feel safe at the same time. I am grateful for my ancestor's who have passed on and endured hardships and made sacrifices for me along with my family and enjoy the legacy that they passed down.
As I was sitting in the hospital today I couldn't help but think how lucky I am. I am able to go to a hospital that is clean, has the best equipment that can help me live a longer life and has been created by someone who must be a genius. Dr's that are skilled in their profession and that I get to choose what Dr's I get to go too. Then as I was driving home from the Dr. I was thinking about how excited my children were today. They were marching down the street to go to field day with their teachers(who they love). I appreciate their teachers who also love my kids and want the very best for them.
And for the last thing I am grateful that this Memorial Day I can go to the cemetery's and see other family and friends from the community that feel the same way as I do.

Feelin Oh So Srong!

2010-05-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today has been a productive day. I pulled weeds in my garden and around my house. I cleaned, picked up toys and spent most of the day outside. I felt so strong. I was hot and sweating and it was actually from working not menopause. It felt so good!

Now that I mentioned I feel so strong.....ironically my Dr. called this past week and gave me the results of my bone density test. Not good, due to chemotherapy I have osteoporosis. My Dr. gave me more vitamins to take and this week I go back to have a infusion for my bones. I am not sure how many times I will need to do this, but each time it takes about 2-3 hours. The biggest concern my Dr. has is the medication I have to take. For the next 5 years I take two pills each day and the biggest side effect from them is that they weaken the bones and basically can cause osteoporosis. With that said I need to get them back to being strong. The infusions will help. I can't believe I just had my port taken out and now I will being getting poked again. The nurses always have a hard time finding a vein (Except for you Michelle who is so good at your job!).

I have two Dr. appointments this week and I start radiation. Looks like it will be a busy week.
I hope you also have a funfilled week!

Jimmy Pulled It Off!

2010-05-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Jim and I went to Salt Lake. We had a nice time we were able to spend some time with Jim's family.It was fun and relaxing; I can't beat that combo.
While we were gone Jimmy got all the kids ready for church and was so proud, that he had them take a picture. If you look real close you can see red duck tape on Rudy's shoe. He said his church shoes hurt him, his school shoes came apart at the seams over the weekend so Jimmy didn't panic he used the mighty RED duck tape to fix. Then Asia refused to take off Savannah's shoes that were to big for her and didn't match, along with cutting her own bangs that morning. Oh and her hair was still in braids from Friday morning. Jimmy called us as we were driving and told me I would die if I saw everyone dressed for Church. I have to say I just laughed and I was proud of him for getting everyone ready and taking them to Church.
I added a few pictures that represent what some of my days are like.
Savannah knowing the rules when painting nails only in the kitchen or on the bathroom floor opted not to follow those rules. Her nail polish was also red and yes it did spill. After much scrubbing I did get the polish out of the carpet.
I have Asia at home with me while the rest are at school. She has become Miss Independent. I have found her into everything. It becomes quiet and I run for the camera because I know she is doing something she shouldn't. I think its fun to have the memories of her mischief. I like these pics because you see her on her toes so determined to get what she wants.
Since I am back to feeling pretty good I clean and chase my kids around.
I also have been trying to get back in shape by walking, but my legs and feet still really hurt. I can't wait until they stop hurting. I go back to the Dr. next week maybe he will have a solution to make them feel better. If not I think a massage or pedicure would help. Don't you agree?

No Regrets,

What was good about your Day?

2010-05-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder why you are so hard on yourself? Do you ever wonder why you look at the negative things in your life?
Well today I had to go have a bone density test. I thought while I am here in the big city of St. George I would try and find a cute shirt to match my scarves. Well I came out with nothing but a baseball cap that hopefully I can wear soon. I was somewhat discouraged, my mind went from not finding a shirt that I liked and fit to me talking to myself saying-
Man I look so old
I have alot of wrinkles
I am so out of shape
Why did I wear this scarf today?
My body hurts
I am so forgetful
I am so tired of feeling tired
My teenagers are driving me crazy

I then got in my car to drive home and started talking to myself again. Saying- Shaquel why don't you appreciate everything you have now?Why complain? When I found out I had cancer and was going through chemo my perspective changed. I looked at things differently and didn't stress about many of the little things.Now that I am feeling better, how easily I forget to appreciate and not be so negative. I really don't like to feel that way so I told myself to snap out of it before I get home. I started thinking about the good in my life.
So here are my 5 things that brought me out of my slump and smiling-
1.Driving through the gorge and seeing the beautiful mountains
2.The Temple-Saturday I am going and its much needed
3.Thinking of Asia, yesterday she gave me a hug and said you are the best mom in the whole world.
4.Listening to upbeat music on the the way home
5.Telling myself that although I may not like how I look or feel right now. It will change and I am alive to prove it.

I hope you all found the good in your day!

No Regrets,

Happy Mothers Day!

2010-05-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day to you all! Even if you don't have children you perform mothering duties to so many children. You deserve to have a nice day.

I had a wonderful weekend. On Saturday I went with my mom and sister-in-laws to feel, oh so very pampered and got massages. Afterwards we went to lunch and then did some shopping. It felt good being out and feeling somewhat normal.

On Sunday Kylie surprised me by speaking in church on Mothers. She did such a good job. She is so shy and I am so proud of her for doing it.

I received wonderful gifts from my children and husband. They really went all out this year. I love seeing the excitement my children have when giving gifts.

I met with my radiologist on Friday. He set the coordinates for my radiation. He gave me tattoos to make sure I will always receive the radiation in the right places. It was different experience. I didn't realize that along with my Dr. there is a physicist involved in the radiation process. I am learning so many new things. How lucky I am! (Kind of).

No Regrets,

No More Surgeries

2010-05-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

I'm back, its been one week from today I had surgery. Everything went well. I have no more ovaries and my chest looks better. The Dr. ended up scraping the lining of my stomach and then moving my liver around and a whatever else is in there. The reason was to check for growths or cysts. The only real pain I have is from the Dr. doing that(I think). My mind is feeling better then my body but I'm sure my body will catch up.

Thank you to my sister Tiesha who flew into help me. She stayed with me for the first day and then took my kids up to my moms and watched them. She also cleaned my house. She has always been the giving sister full of charity. Love you! Although I have to add- she came in and saw me laying in bed feeling so sick and with nothing on my head she said"You really look like a cancer patient"I responded with"I guess that's good since I am one".

Today I went to Asia's preschool for a Mothers Day party. It was very nice. The teacher asked each child what they liked doing with their mothers. Asia said"I love to snuggle with my mom". That comment meant alot to me just because we have done that alot this year. With me being so sick I would read to her until I really didn't feel good and then we would watch Dora on TV all the while just snuggling. I have been very blessed this past year because as much as I like to snuggle with my children; I am usually up moving, cleaning and running somewhere. I can always look back and think of the memories of my children laying by my side sharing their stories, jokes, worries and kisses while we all laid in my bed when I couldn't get out.

My hair is growing slower then I would like. So far there is no hint of red. It looks blondish brown. I am still holding out that it will turn red.Oh how I hope.

No Regrets,

Another Successful Surgery!

2010-04-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

Wahoo!! She did it again and came out on top! Surgery went great for Shaquel yesterday.

She is now recovering at her mom's house and once again DRUGS ARE GOOD!! I'm going

to take the liberty and create what I think would

be on her "thankful top ten" list:

1 through 10 would be the

same...

I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH GOOD PAIN KILLERS!

As far as what happened yesterday regarding her surgeries, the doctors went in through the belly

button and were able to "zap" the ovaries and then continued

to remove them as well as check out

other organs like the stomach and liver to make sure

they were healthy and all is good. Everything checked out in EXCELLENT

condition!

She now is just going to focus on getting strength back and gearing

up for radiation which will begin as soon as the end of May

if everything heals accordingly.

Nurse Tiesha will be arriving sometime today and will take extra good care

of Shaquel for the weekend.

Today is going to be a quiet day of DRUGS and healing for her

and hopes that by tomorrow she will

be in a more conscience mode to answer her phone, have

conversation, and remember who she talks to.

She is so thankful that you all have supported her

and have kept her in your prayers! She feels

it on a daily basis!

Hopefully The Last Surgery

2010-04-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

I will be leaving my home for surgery at 3:45am tomorrow. I am the first patient so hopefully the Dr's have had a good nights sleep and are ready to operate. My plan is to stay in St. George for a couple of days and then come home, but will see what tomorrow brings.
Thank you Heidi and Beth and to everyone that came to celebrate with me at the luncheon. That was very kind of all you. I also appreciate the gifts. More importantly I appreciate your friendship and the kindness you show me and my family.
Well I better get back to cleaning my house so if anyone comes to help with my kids they will think my house is always clean. Ha Ha

No Regrets,

Listening For The Good

2010-04-26T12:53:00.000-07:00

This past week has been so nice. I decided I would be more attentive to my surroundings and just listen. I mean listen for the good, nothing negative.

These are 10 things I enjoyed hearing this week!

1. Rain Falling

2.The Sacrament Prayer

3.Listening to my children lay in their beds and talking to one another about anything and everything that day

4.Stillness of the night

5.Laughter-my children laughing, friends laughing and my self laughing at ourselves or one another.

6.Music-Especially my daughter practicing the piano

7.Friends voices I havent heard for far to long

8.My children saying their prayers and knowing that their Heavenly Father is listening to them

9.Friends and Family calling with concern about how I am doing

10.A child throwing a fit and it wasn't mine!

Patience

2010-04-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

Today was a full day of meeting with Dr's. Overall it was a good day. My prognosis is good. My counts were below normal but much higher then a few weeks ago. They are high enough to allow me to have my surgery. I actually will have 2 surgeries. The first one will be to have my ovaries taken out(my cancer is estrogen induced) and the second will be to fix my scarred, flat chest. The plan was two have them 6-8 weeks apart. After going to a new gynecologist and coordinating his surgery day with my plastic surgeon all worked out to have on the same day. The Dr's have warned me that having both will be quite painful especially since chemo has wrecked havoc on my body. I understand what they are saying but I want to have them both done now.

I haven't been feeling well this week. I subbed for a first grade class on Monday by the time I got home I could barely move my body. It hurt so bad. I ended up being sick for at least 24 hours. I was telling Dr. H. about it today and in a serious tone he said"I think you were supposed to learn patience this past year and you Haven't!" Then he started laughing. I totally disagree. He thinks I am impatient because I expect to do things that I used to do and never get tired or feel sick .He reminded me it will take up to a year and I probably will never feel the same way. I'll show him(maybe). While teaching I had this little boy tell me he was excited to have me teach because he has never been taught by a genie. I told him I wish I was a genie. I had a good laugh.

Its All In How You Look At It !

2010-04-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to recognize every hospital number on your caller ID and opt not to answer it? I have been dealing with my medical bills today. I am not complaining about them, except for the fact why do they have to make the bills so confusing. From one hospital they have 20 different account numbers and bill you separately for each one. I would love to receive one bill and have the account numbers itemized with a running total on the bottom.When they call saying that they are calling regarding a certain account number I want to say well let me go through my manyyyyy files and I will get back to you in about 2 hours. It drives me crazy! But don't worry I will be fine all it takes is some chocolate.

For some exciting news, I was examining my head the other day and saw a little hair growing. I was so excited I ran into my girls room and said "look moms hair is growing" Kylie looked and said"where"? I go over to there window flip open there blinds and tell them to look in the light. Savannah said "mom I don't think you can call it hair I think it's called fuzz" They weren't impressed. I don't think they shared in the same excitement that I was feeling at that moment.

Over the weekend I posted a picture of me bald. I ended up taking it off about a hour later. I just don't like seeing myself bald. I thought it would be fun to post and then take pictures as my hair grew out, but I decided no one needs to see my bald head that bad.

I hope all of you are enjoying your week. Thanks for reading my blog.

No Regrets,

A new puppy

2010-04-10T18:34:00.000-07:00

It's been an exciting day in the Cannon household. I finally let my kids get a puppy. It's a very cute yellow lab. I had a collie when I was little but she was hit by a car. That was the only dog I really loved. My other siblings had dogs growing up but I never really got into the whole love of animals again. When I got married I found out that my husband and his family were big animal lovers. We started with a puppy and that dog was the best dog ever. Her name was Daley. She now has passed on but my kids were close to her and have wanted another one ever since. At Christmas we were close to getting a puppy but I just couldn't think about a dog when I was just starting chemo. I told the kids when all my treatments were over we would get one. This past week we had the opportunity to get a papered dog that seems to be great. I do have to say although I am not a big animal lover I do think it is good for kids to have pets.
Who knows maybe I will have to walk the dog and that's how I will get back into shape. I can't seem to get myself up and walking on my own.

Hooray For Spring!

2010-04-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today I had a Dr's appointment. All went well and I will be going into surgery on the 28Th. I am ready, its one more thing I can check off the list. For now I am grateful that I have the time to let my body heal and get sronger.

This past week has been so nice. I love when the weather is not to hot or to cold. The flowers are beautiful and the colors are so vibrant. While working in the garden, the dirt is still moist and pulling weeds is still fun. I even love the spring cleaning when the windows are open and everything seems so bright and clean, I seem to have energy to do the deep cleaning, even with my kids. I can roll down the windows in my car while driving and feel the fresh air. Wave or shout a hello to many of the neighbors who are out mowing their lawns, kids riding their bikes, playing in their yards or on the street if they live on mine.

I always want a convertible this time of year. Many years ago I went with my sister and two friends to Florida and the Bahamas. While in Florida we rented a convertible, we were so excited driving the car just being on vacation and while driving down the beach we were able to feel the air on are faces with are hair blowing in the wind and feeling oh so ever carefree. I think we all thought we were pretty cool. What wonderful memories. OK so my mind has wandered from sharing my enthusiasm for spring to my vacation but I am sure you get the point.

I can't finish without mentioning the Easter season celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and being ever so grateful for the Atonement. I enjoyed listening to General conference and hearing our Prophet speak to us. It definitely tops off the love I have for the spring.I hope you all enjoy the spring as well.

Schedule For The Next Few Months

2010-03-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my Drs appointment with Dr. K my plastic surgeon. I recieved more saline in my tissue expandures. I have been going every two weeks for the last 5 months. Each appointment I recieve saline in my chest. The purpose of this is to stretch my skin so Dr. K can restructure my chest, due to my mastectomy. It has been quite painful. It makes my skin so tight I feel the skin on my throat tightening and it tightens all the way back to the bottom of my shoulder blades. I cannot turn my neck, I have to turn my whole body. Thank goodness this only lasts for 3 or 4 days each visit.

I did receive my so called schedule for the next few months, it goes as is-(without complications)

1. I will recuperate and get my cell counts back up until the end of April. I then will have surgery on my chest the last week of April.
2. I will then rest and heal from surgery for another 4 weeks.
3. After the 4 weeks is over I will start 6-8 weeks of radiation. I will go everyday Mon-Fri with the weekends off.

I should finish the 1st or 2nd week of July. The goal is to be done for my family reunion on the 14th. I then can hopefully relax and put this year behind me. Don't worry I don't want to forget the whole year just a few parts.
So I hope this plan sounds good to everyone it sounds real good to me!
If anyone has suggestions regarding radiation please share.

No Regrets,

No More Chemotherapy

2010-03-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

I am finished with my chemo treatments! I woke up Thursday morning so excited to head off to see the Doc. I had cinnamon rolls made by my friend Tara for Dr. H. and the nurses. (They loved them.) I wanted to celebrate somehow and show my appreciation and couldn't think of a better way than food.

Every visit I have my labs drawn first and then go in to see my Dr. After the Dr. I go into another room across the hall for my chemo treatment. I felt excitement and a little giddy inside waiting for the Dr. My appointment went great. And my labs didn't look too bad. He kept saying, "You did it Shaquel, you finished chemo, as difficult as it was you did it and with such a good attitude."

Well, I was fine until he said that. He gave me a hug and I shed a few tears. I just love Dr. H. I put so much trust in him. He also had to remind me that I will still feel weak and tired for 6-12 months even though I am done with my treatment.

After leaving the Dr. I headed over for my LAST chemotherapy. I ended up being there all day. The Dr. had increased my chemo so it took alittle longer. When I was leaving the nurses gave me hugs and a few gifts. You feel so close to them because they have seen you at your worst and you really rely on them. Although I know I will still see them in the next few weeks and for the next 5 years on this day I felt like I had just accomplished and endured something that was extraordinary that they shared with me.

As I was driving home I started crying then sobbing. I felt so many emotions: RELIEF, relief that this part is over, then EXHAUSTION, feeling so tired mentally, emotionally, physically, and yet, EXCITEMENT and even GUILT. Two of the men in treatment with me today are having severe side effects and they were going to be moved into the hospital that day. Glad that was not me but guilty because I was so fortunate its wasn't. Of course by the time I made it home I was fine. I opened up my car door to children yelling" mom your home and you won't be getting your sick medicine anymore." I am so blessed.

I will find out exactly what the plan is on Tuesday after another Dr's app. For now I get to recoup and get all my counts up for at least the next 3-4 weeks.

Children can be funny

2010-03-24T16:14:00.000-07:00

Yahoooooooooooo! Tomorrow is my last chemo. I am so excited ! I always dread going but now it can't come fast enough. I want it over.
Yesterday was dress as your favorite book character day, at my kids school. I went over to pay for their lunch tickets and I had several kids just keeping looking at me. Finally a few kids asked me what character I was dressed up as. I said "what do you mean"? They said "you have normal clothes on but you have a scarf on". Finally one of the girls said "you are trying to look like a pirate" I thought that was so funny I couldn't stop laughing.

What I am grateful for today

Hard working Husband

Good Friends

Music

Spring

My Scriptures

Laughter

Kind & Giving People

The bowl of Sherbert ice cream and cookie I just ate(so good)

The Spirit Has No Boundaries

2010-03-19T13:03:00.000-07:00

I was reading someone else's blog who has her own trials and I really connected with what she said. I thought it may help some of you as well.

"I pretend that I am perfectly healthy and normal, but I always wake up and remember that's not so. But I also remind myself that I am a perfect spirit enduring this imperfect world . No matter how abnormal I am on this earth, my spirit knows no boundaries of any type its comforting." By Stephanie

I wish I could say that I came up with that because that is exactly how I feel when I look in the mirror. I wake up feeling normal until I sit up on the side of the bed and I am dizzy or nauseous and I feel my achy bones. I then go into the bathroom and see a bald, pale, person with scars all over her chest starring back at me.
This quote reminded me about what my life is truly about. Hope you all enjoy it too.

Rough Weekend

2010-03-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I posted. I am so sorry. I now know why I have been getting more phone calls from many of you concerned with how I am doing.

Where do I begin? The week before chemo I had several side effects that were quite painful. My feet and hands hurt. The Dr's call it a tingling sensation, I don't. I feel like I am on fire. The tighter my socks and shoes are the better it feels. I keep rubbing my hands together, if I squeeze them tight it feels better. My doctor prescribed me more medicine for the pain but, it knocks me out. Who has time to be knocked out when you have kids running wild.

I had chemo this past Thursday. I felt great until Friday at 5pm. It started with the ringing in my ears and feeling like I had a earache, then the pain spread to my head and neck. It finished with the nausea and not keeping anything down for two days. Not to mention the pain I have in my bones all the time. My husband has been helpful, he took all the kids to the sand dunes for the weekend. I hate having them see me so sick. Its nice knowing they are out having a good time and don't have to watch me. Chemo is a strange thing. Chemo knocks me on my butt, and then just as I am getting back on my feet its time for another round of treatment. Psychologically this has been the most difficult challenge I have faced. While the purpose of chemo is to make you better, it sure doesn't feel like it while your going through it. But I'm on the up and up.

For the great news, I only have one more treatment left. I am excited, relieved and tired. I pray I never have to go through chemo again. I was reading a book about cancer and it listed good things about cancer and the not so good. The not so good is that cancer is like your shadow at least for a couple of years.

If any of you wear red lipstick Elizabeth Arden is selling different shades of red lipstick and 100% of the proceeds go to a program that the Cancer society provides called "Look good feel better". It is for women who get to learn how to put makeup on with out eyebrows and lashes, teaches them about how to wears wigs, scarves, and then gives them makeup that will not irritate their face while going through chemo. I went to the class and it was very helpful. So just in case your interested its by Elizabeth Arden.

I just have to mention a few funny things my kids said today-

"Mom I'm glad you bought this house you did a good job picking it out" I asked whats your favorite part about it. "she said that we have enough room to plant a garden" Savannah

"Mom, I really don't like your new haircut, but when you comb my hair I want my hair cut like yours." Asia, while I was combing her hair.

"Mom do you ever wonder how you got so lucky to have such a good looking son?"

Rudy

Cleaning and More Cleaning

2010-03-04T19:32:00.000-08:00

What a nice day! The weather was a little cooler then I prefer, but other then that I loved today, I felt good. I cleaned, then I would lay down for awhile, and then get up and clean again. I read to Asia, and then she painted my toenails, as well as my toes, a very bright pink. I just smiled thinking about how much fun she was having, and listening to her giggle while painting my toes.

When school was out I went for a walk with my kids. The walk was more painful then I would have liked. My ankles started hurting, stiffening up, and would not bend. My feet and hands felt like they were on fire, but don't worry I still enjoyed being outside with my kids. We only walked two blocks, I am so out of shape!

Yesterday, I spent the day seeing Doctors, I had 3 different appointments. It makes a long day, but better then having to go to the Dr. 3 different days. My appointments started with my plastic surgeon, he has been stretching my skin (not fun, painful), my 2nd appointment was with my radiation oncologist, who informed me that my radiation will be everyday for at least 6 weeks, not twice a day for five days that I thought I could do. I then went to my last appointment for the day, my surgeon who checked to see if I was healing alright, and if I had any tumors growing. All was well. I just have to say once again I love my Dr's. After visiting with the Docs, I am excited and see a end in sight. I should be done with my surgeries, chemo, and radiation, by the first part of July, just in time for my family reunions. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

Next week, I will go back and see my oncologist who is over my chemo. Like I mentioned last week my last treatment went well. I felt good Thursday and most of Friday. By Friday evening I got sick again, but it only lasted the weekend. Thanks to my mom and brother, they came down watched my kids and cleaned my house. Thanks I love ya.

We Love the Rain!

2010-02-25T15:47:00.000-08:00

I just got home from my 6th treatment. Today it went well, no throwing up in front of everyone, that's always a bonus. Although I have had several treatments it is always difficult for me to see everyone else. Some of the people are better off then you and others are A LOT worse then you. I visit them, get to know their life stories, and get somewhat attached. I lose a few tears every time I go looking around the room noticing everyone else. Some sleep through their treatments, others read or visit. Some are positive and don't look real sick, others you wonder if they are going to make it out of their chair. It's so surreal for me.

This last treatment did not make me as sick. I am so happy, excited, grateful, and can't wait until I have more energy to do more.

This past week was busy my little 9yr old was on his motorcycle riding when another rider accidentally ran into him. He ended up having to have surgery. He tore his ACL and it pulled a piece of bone from another. He should heal fine and not have any long lasting effects. However, in the mean time he has become really bossy because he is still lacking in mobility. I do have to say sometimes I feel like when it rains, it pours, in are family. But I guess its good we love the rain!

No Marathons Yet!

2010-02-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

It's a good day! I appreciate Tracy's comments on my blog, that was a great description of how I feel most days. I have felt good the last few days and pray that the rest of my treatments will go as well. Don't get me wrong I won't be running any marathons anytime soon. I might make it down Chapel Way one of these days. But I haven't thrown up since my last treatment and that is a huge improvement.
Today I am grateful for
medications
sunshine

laughter
chocolate
hugs from my children
the few eyelashes I have left

Happy Valentines

2010-02-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

I like this clip from Pres. Monson and thought it was appropriate at this time since it's Valentines. You have all been great examples on how to show love. I want to tell you ALL, thanks for showing me so much love. I have learned so much through all of you on how to love.Through messages on the blog, on my e-mail, phone calls, gifts, dinners brought in, cleaning my house, cards, stopping by to visit and the list goes on. I hope I can show you the love back.
Yesterday I had my 5Th chemo treatment. I was very sick while receiving the chemo. There was a man sitting by me that I am sure he wished he wasn't. I couldn't keep one thing down but I couldn't get up go to the bathroom since I was hooked to my IV so everyone in the room gets to witness me losing everything. but I feel so much better today.This type of chemo doesn't have the side effects of nausea like the last 4. I am excited! I will still have other side effects like the achy bones and a few others that I know you do not want to know about. I have to say on the days I feel good I sure appreciate it.
I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines weekend and don't forget to show the love.

No Regrets,

I've made it half way!

2010-02-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

It's now been 7 days since my last treatment, thank goodness! The further away from the treatment the better I feel. I sound like a broken record but I have felt the same these last few treatment's. BUT, for the good news I am half way done I have 2 more months to go and the next treatment they change my chemo. The side effects should be different and I shouldn't be as nauseous. I tried to get my Dr. to make a bet with me that I really won't be as sick but he wouldn't, not even for a milkshake?
This last treatment I walked into the building and the smell set me off. I ended up being in the restroom until my chemo started. There is a name for what was happening my Dr. called it something, sorry I can't remember. He said he still has patients 5 years later that can't walk in the building without losing it. I was so mad that it was happening to me. I told the Dr. I was prepared for being sick after my treatment not before. I have to admit I was alittle emotional and instead of greeting him with a smile and saying"I'm great! when he walked in the room I was crying like a baby and saying "can't I get just a little break"(just 2 hours is all I want)that way I would be home looking in my own toilet not someone Else's. My poor Dr. has never seem me so upset but by the time I walked out I had pulled it together. And I was and am fine now. My emotion was more anger that day. Thank goodness for chemo brain I can't remember much from one hour to the next.The upside, it makes it easier to get over things.
My sister-in-law Jen came down for 5 days what a blessing she watched my children,cleaned and did laundry. I owe her big time. My kids love her and it's nice to know they are taken care of. She took them for bike rides and to the park and just loved them, they love every minute with her. Thanks!
I hope you all enjoy your day, Thanks for all your support!

Here is a quote that was given to me by my cousin that I like-
Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy People
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit

4th chemo treatment completed

2010-01-28T14:04:00.000-08:00

I just got back from my chemo treatment and it was ok. Good thing there bathrooms are clean. As I was driving I was thinking about the things that I am grateful for.

Here are a few things that I am grateful for today.

1. Prayer

2. My kids leaving for school without much drama. The socks didn't feel funny, they all liked their hair, smooth sailing.

3. The rain that we are recieving.

4. Junior Mints

5. My Doctors

We All Have Hope!

2010-01-20T10:16:00.000-08:00

I guess its time to write again. I find myself not wanting to write if I its not funny or positive. I have been struggling with this 3rd chemo treatment. I have been sick with nausea that will not go away even with medications and home remedies. My body aches like no other and I am slow to get up and go. I did stay at my moms along with my children after treatment, it was fun for the kids to be somewhere different and I liked it because they didn't have to watch me being so sick(off playing with Grandpa,Grandma or cousins).

My thinking is after each round of chemo my body would be used to it, so it would be easier. After talking to other patients some say they think it gets worse because of the build up of the poisons in your body. The thought of that makes me sick because I have many more rounds to go. So I will use one of my favorite words HOPE and as my next chemo treatment comes up I will HOPE that it won't be as bad as the ones before. I have several more treatments to keep on hoping............

Don't be Jealous

2010-01-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

I hate to brag, but I just wanted to say I now can be showered, dressed and out the door in 10 minutes. I now shower and don't have to wash and condition my hair. I also don't have to shave my legs, the hair has stopped growing so that has limited my shower time. I get out and yes you asked it I don't have to blow dry my hair or curl it. No hairspray or gel! My eyelashes have started coming out, soon no more mascara. As I was thinking about all the positive things in my life, I told my husband you should be relieved look at the substantial amount of money I am saving on the water and power bill. While smiling at me he said"Do you think we are saving enough to cover your medical bills"? Mmmmmmmmm I didn't want to answer that one.
Have a fun filled weekend!

2nd treatment done!

2010-01-04T14:23:00.000-08:00

I now have my 2ND chemo treatment under my belt. I wish it was my last. I was as sick the first few days of this treatment as I was the first. It now has been a week and I am now feeling alittle better, I still get nauseous. My Dr. added a few more steroids that were supposed to help the nausea but if you ask me they haven't helped. It has helped me pack on the pounds (Oh well).
I am looking forward to a week of feeling healthy and planning on enjoying each minute of it.
My next treatment is next Tuesday.
I hope you all have a Happy New Year!

No Regrets,

First funny experience with my wig

2009-12-29T14:58:00.000-08:00

I just got home from my 2ND chemo treatment and I am feeling great! It takes about 3 hours for the sickness to hit me, but just maybe I won't be as sick as last time. I'm crossing my fingers.
I have to tell everyone what happened to me yesterday. I was wearing a wig that the hair was very long, it made me feel like I was 20 again. Anyway, I was at the car wash vacuuming my car and the vacuum caught my wig and just sucked it right off my head. Kylie and I just started laughing especially when we looked over to see who was watching and the looks on their faces. I hurried and put it back on but it took a couple of tries to get it right. We had a good laugh all the way home. I guess next time I will where my shorter wig or scarf.

Bald is Beautiful?

2009-12-25T19:54:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you have enjoyed your day. I certainly have. All my children were excited about their gifts and everyone got along. It was nice to relax, enjoy the day and just watch my children play with one another.
Have you heard of the saying "Bald is Beautiful" Where did that saying come from? Tonight my husband shaved my head. No more hair! "Bald is not Beautiful" on me, but I have to say it feels alot better. I have been losing chunks of my hair this last week. I was not prepared to have it all gone so I would just watch it get thinner each day. My scalp has hurt,I don't even know how to explain how it feels. My scalp has been very tender if anyone would touch my hair it would hurt. If the wind blew just a little my head hurt. Even with the pain I was not ready to have it gone. The clincher for me was this morning when putting gel in my hair I looked at my hands and all I saw was hair stuck to my hands and I am talking alot of hair. Then I proceeded to get ready and it was falling in my eyes and mouth, I know gross but true. My the evening I was so tired of seeing my hair everywhere I knew it was time. I had and still have mixed emotions while my husband shaved my head. I had my 9yr old daughter taking pictures telling me it didn't look to bad(she is always kind). I then had my 6yr old daughter look at me with a look of pure horror and saying" I can't look at you mom you do not look good" then she would leave for a minute and come back with the same look and say "you need to always wear a hat or wig mom". Now if you know my daughter she tells you how it is so while she was talking we were all laughing but then I couldn't help but shed a few tears just because I thought the same thing and I could see through their faces that this is difficult for them to watch also and as much as I try to explain things to them they just don't understand. I am now wearing a pink beanie and my head no longer hurts. It is amazing to me that my head could hurt for the last week or two and in minutes of shaving my head there is no more pain?
So LOOK OUT the next time you see me I may be wearing a wig, scarf, hat or I just may be bald. j/k I wouldn't do that to you or me.
Anyway All is Well and I will have another update for you after my next treatment.
Thanks for your support.

No Regrets,

CHEMOTHERAPHY=NO FUN

2009-12-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

Thank you, thank you for all the phone calls, e-mails, visits, jokes. I am feeling so much better this week and the help from so many of you has benefited greatly. I can truly say I have never experienced anything as bad as the side effects of chemotherapy. The nausea was the worst. The actual experience of receiving the chemo wasn't bad, it was 3 hours later. It started with pain in my ears, then a pain in my head that I have never felt before, followed by throwing up and dry heaving for the next 7 days. The Dr. still can't figure out why all the nausea meds didn't work better then they did. Hopefully the next treatment won't be as bad. My hair has thinned, the doctor said my hair would be gone by now so I am proving him wrong in so many different ways. haha.

Overall, I am feeling a lot better now however, I am still feeling side effects such as sores down my throat, tender gums, and ACHING BONES. My cousin Denise described this to me and now I know what she was saying. While I still hurt, it is doable, and I am happy that I can be feeling a little better for Christmas this week. I always thought I was grateful for my health but this experience has really taught me how grateful I really am. Thanks again for your support and jokes. I will not be judging the jokes right now, they make me smile so keep um comin' Thanks,

NO REGRETS

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Love,

Shaquel

PS- I go in for my second chemo treatment on the 29th. I get the week off for Christmas.

Stay Positive!

2009-12-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

Do you know how hard it is to stay positive when you are

feeling nauseous and weak every second of the day? EXTREMELY !

Shaquel is trying her hardest to maintain her level of optimism...from the first day she was told she had cancer, up to

NOW (5 days after first treatment).

After a second visits to the hospital to get fluids pumped

in for dehydration, she was able to get a steroid shot for nausea, and for THAT night, things were

calm.

The drs. have told her that day five will be her light at the end of the tunnel

day, and last time I spoke with her, she was beginning to feel some relief. I pray everyday

that she can have just one that's all I'm asking just one less trip to the toilet. I

don't think that's asking too much. Do you? I promise my prayers

will get better as time goes on...

When I talk to Shaquel about how she is doing, I usually will say, "On a scale

of 1-10 how are you?" (10 feeling great, 1 the opposite) She has

responded in the past with 5, and then on up. After this weeks conversations

with her, I didn't need the scale. There was NO scale. I could

hear it in her voice. She has been pretty miserable to say the least. I know she

could use some positive encouragement from friends and family. Not that you haven't, she just needs more and so.......here is a little contest for you.

She has requested that WE use humor to help lift her spirits. She would like to invite

you to participate in finding the BEST cancer joke out there and post it on her blog.

She, when she's not barfing, will judge your joke and post a winner for the week.

I know what you are thinking because I thought it too. A joke about cancer...

How insensitive!

Not for this girl.

It has been said that "laughter is a potential influence in healing."

"Laughing at cancer takes away some of the sting"

"Cancer hates a sense of humor"

"Laughter can sooth and heal tender hearts"

I believe this is all true! Shaquel has had a sense of humor with this whole thing right

from the start. She told one of her dr. that they were going

to become really good friends because of how often she was going to be seeing him, hence

came the request for a Christmas present. "Don't you give your really good friends a

Christmas present," she said. Can you not hear her saying that. What

a crack up!

So, do you except the challenge? I know it WILL brighten her day

and give her something to look forward to.

Let the GAMES begin!

The Definition of Shaquel

2009-12-08T19:13:00.000-08:00

Shaquel:

unwavering, steadfast, faithful, zealous, friendly, determined

enthusiastic, thoughtful, unselfish, encouraging, obedient

courageous, successful, humorous,

inspiring, a good example

DAUGHTER OF GOD, MY HERO!

BIG DAY FOR SHAQ TODAY!

She had her first chemo treatment today...the UNKNOWN

IS FINALLY KNOWN. From start to finish it took 3 hrs. to undergo

treatment. The infamous "needle poking" was

the best part she said. The first nurse couldn't get it in and the 2nd, simply

apologized for the first and was a pro at getting it in.

She has the worst luck with those things going in the first, second

and third tries. Shaq LOVES needles!

On the way home came the first sign of side effects. Only a headache.

She handled that with no problemo, pop a couple of Tylenol, she's good to go...about 3 hours

later more side effects. She has taken every nausea pill given to her and

she has had no relief. She can't keep anything down. Looks

like your wish

of losing weight will come true Shaq.

A big THANKS goes out to everyone for checking in on Shaq and her

family! She wanted me to say that she wishes she could

get to her phone to answer your calls, but she can't. She says to leave her a message and

when the

side effects subside,

she will return your calls. She appreciates your thoughtfulness!!!

I will do my best to keep you all informed

on how she is doing.

We luv ya Shaq. and know that you are in our prayers and thoughts!

Get Ready, Get Set, Go !

2009-12-06T17:55:00.000-08:00

Now that I am starting chemo in two days I feel like I am in a race.
1st step-Getting Ready
I have been getting ready by having all my surgeries, blood tests, more blood tests, MRIs, PET scans, port put in, buying wigs, trying to prepare my children.
2ND step-Get Set
I met with three of my Dr's on Friday and after reviewing my tests, giving me my prescriptions to get filled(nine of them) and answering my last minute questions I AM SET!
3rd-GO
I will run to start my chemo treatment Tuesday. OK so I won't run maybe a jog ok a walk, but I am so ready. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, oh now I am just flat out lying. I hate to say this, but I am scared for the unknown. After Tuesday pain or not I will be fine. My plan is NOT to be sick or tired or all the many things I have heard may happen. I call it being positive, some say its denial, but whatever it works for me. HA HA
As far as the race I will complete it in 6 months and I will win!

I just wanted to add a few quotes that I read to day-
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."Albert Einstein
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." Anne Frank
"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death" Author Unknown

Everyone have a wonderful week!

Quick update

2009-11-28T05:53:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to post a quick update. Last Monday the 23rd I went up for a test that looked at my heart. They put a IV in and put more nuclear dye that would surround my heart. It showed a 3d picture of my heart and how it was beating. It is just another test to make sure my heart is working good and ready to take the chemo. And of course it is. I have to say I hate IVs . They have had such a hard time finding a good vein, so they keep trying.This week my arm and hand look so bruised and I feel like a wimp saying this but it still hurts after they have made so many attempts.
The next day the 24Th I went back in the hospital for a same day surgery to put a port in. A port is a device that they put under your skin. It is a cylinder with a soft spot on the top for a special needle to be inserted. Then it has a small tube that is connected to one of my large veins that delivers blood to my heart. This basically means now that this device has saved my veins in my arm. Through this device they will insert my IV in every time I have chemo or they can take blood samples from it also.The Dr's put mine under my clavicle bone on my right side. On Tuesday I went back in to the hospital they gave me one more IV in my hand after attempting 5 times(hopefully that is last time for awhile). They put me out and walla two hours later I had to wake up. It was not to bad just alittle pain for about two days.
This week I go back up for a couple more Dr appointments and then next week I start chemo!
I hope you all have had a wonderful Thanksgiving and have been able to enjoy the holiday weekend. I have to say I have, it is only 6:20 in the morning and I having a pie in the fridge screaming my name!

What a Day!

2009-11-18T20:51:00.000-08:00

What a day! I left this morning for St. George at 9am and returned home at 5:30 pm. Don't think I was out shopping or out eating lunch or hanging with family and friends. I spent the day visiting 3 Dr's and at the hospital doing lab work for two of my doctors. They all agree I am healing well and keep reminding me that I had a very serious surgery so stop being so impatient with the healing process. When I came home I was feeling pretty good just really sore but my the weekend I was in severe pain. I think I just did more then I was supposed to. Today is the first day that I actually feel good and not so tired. My chest still hurts, especially at night when I lay down and today my Dr's told me to buck up because it was actually going to hurt for at least the next 6 months maybe even up to a year. I just looked at one of my Dr's and at his notepad and said"what new pain pills would you like to perscribe me " (I did say it smiling). Maybe these new pain meds will help.

I spent 2 hours with my chemotherapy oncologist. He is really nice and explained what chemo I will be taking, apparently there are several different kinds even for people with the same type of cancer. I will start out for 4 months and go every 2 weeks. Next Thursday I go into the hospital and they will put a port in my chest. This a a device that will hook up to my IV to run the medicine in my body which is basically poison. It is better then going every two weeks and trying to find a vein to put the IV in.

This Friday I go back up to do more testing. I cant remember what the test is called I just know it is going to tell the Dr's how or if I can handle the chemo. I will start my chemo treatments Dec 8th and due to the type of medicine and it being my first time I will be pretty sick. Apparently it will take 5-7 hours the first time . The medicine is administered slowly through the IV and then the Dr's are able to monitor me to make sure I don't have some bad reaction to it.

I am nervous but so ready to get started. I hate the wait!!!!!!!

By the way yesterday you may have heard how the guidelines are changing to change the age of when you should get a mammogram. DON'T LISTEN start going when you are 40. In the waiting rooms today and all the medical personnel were talking about how foolish it is. Many of the patients think that it is a strategy from Obama to cut health care reform?But for whatever reason please don't listen and get checked. This has been a very emotional roller coaster and if I hadn't gotten checked I would not have felt the lump for probably another year and it would have been to late. I can't even imagine.

Home Again !

2009-11-13T16:00:00.000-08:00

I am now home. I came home late Wednesday night. It was so fun to see my kids, I had really missed them. They were so cute they kept putting their arms around me (very carefully) and telling me how much they missed me and loved me. When tucking Rudy into bed he said"it sure is nice to have you home and be the one to say my prayers with and tuck me in." My youngest was already asleep but when waking up in the middle of the night and coming in she was so excited that I was there. She jumped up in the middle gave me a hug and told me she missed me and loved me.She then held my hand and when I tried to move she would grab it again. As I lay by her and still in pain I would try to shift a little,she would squeeze tighter with her hand. I laid there forever looking at her and out my window I couldn't help but tell my Heavenly Father thank you, thank you for these wonderful children and being able to come home to them.
My surgery went well, more painful then I wanted but I am recooperating just fine. Next week I go back for several Dr's appointments and then will hopefully get the date of my chemo. I just checked this surgery off so on to the next thing. Maybe I won't have to do chemo(positive thinking).
I can never say Thank You enough to so many of you for the burdens you lifted from me and my family. Thank You!

2009-11-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

I apologize for not being as quick to this as I had hoped to be. Shaquel has had a few (7 days to be exact) rough days. After going through 7 long hours of surgery, she made it through. Shaquel has proven

to be quite the fighter. We all know how determined and positive Shaq has been, but I have

to be honest, this is the first time that I have seen a little doubt and fear in her

eyes.

In Shaq's words," This surgery is definitely

worse than the first one." The doctors couldn't get her pain under control. The day

she left the hospital she had a variety of pain medication to take.

There wasn't just "one" magic pill.

She is now recovering in St. George at her mom's house until

the middle of the week. We ALL are taking good care of her! I don't think that she has had a day where she hasn't been visited or checked on .

She is in excellent hands. What an awesome family we have!!

She misses her kids bunches and thanks you all for your generosity

and kindness you have rendered to her family.

Jim, I have heard how awesome you are doing at being MR. Mom! Keep on going!

We are rooting for you too.

I love my Dr's

2009-11-09T13:08:00.001-08:00

A woman with terminal cancer returns to religion with fervor. She knows that God will help her get better.

Early in her sickness, a surgeon proposes radical surgery.

"No", she says, "I don't want to get mutilated and suffer pain. It's not necessary, God will help me".

A while later, she sees a radiologist and he proposes radiation to treat the tumor, which by now is uncomfortably large. "No", she says, "I don't want radiation burns inside and out. It's not necessary. God will help me."

A year later, the cancer has metastasized. It's painful and she is referred to an oncologist. Chemotherapy is advised. "No", she says, "I don't want to be sick all the time and lose my hair as well. It's not necessary. God will help me".

Soon after, she dies. She goes to Heaven and demands an audience with God. "Why didn't you help me?," she whines.

"What do you mean? I sent you help three times: a surgeon, a radiologist and an oncologist. What more did you want?"

Shaquel wanted to add this because she has loved her Drs. She did say that she needs to find a joke or story that adds a plastic surgeon and family physician. She is so grateful to her family physician who started her on this path of great Doctors.

Time for Surgery

2009-11-02T21:58:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the big day. I am excited,nervous,anxious,tired and ok, fine a little scared but who wouldn't be right? I really can't wait to have this over with I think the anticipation is always the worst. Thank you once again for all your prayers,phone calls, cards,flowers, watching my kids, etc. It has definitely helped.
Kristen will try to update on any info. for the next few weeks.
I cant't even think what to write because I keep thinking of what I still need to do before I go to bed. So i guess thats it.
You all have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr's Dr's Dr's and more Dr's

2009-10-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well where do I begin. It has been a busy two days spending all my time with doctors. I have been trying to decide what to write or how detailed I should be. I have decided I won't go into too much detail on whats going on. Its all confusing and for many of you probably boring. I am still having surgery next Tuesday but I am now having a MRI done to see if I have any precancerous cells and that will determine exactly what the surgery will entail. My choices have been difficult, its choosing between the two lesser evils. My MRI is on Thursday then I go back up Friday to meet with the Dr's. to decide. So I will update exactly whats going on then.

Today I had physical therapy and then I went to a group that was called "Look good and feel better". It is for women with cancer that will be going through chemo and losing their hair and have other side effects. They have make-up artists come in and you get a free bag of make-up from different companies. There make-up is the good stuff that won't irritate your skin and actually help it. They teach you how to put make-up on your eyebrows and eyelashes to look like you have some. When I first walked in and saw all the ladies in the class it was another reality check for me, to see some of the ladies with no hair and others with scarfs or hats and then watching them take them off. To be honest I was saying to myself I can't believe I am going through this and this is my life for the next year. As the evening wore on, visiting with this ladies and getting to know them and just basically talking about what they are going through, or how they deal with things. I was humbled and felt very blessed to be associated with them. I have met so many wonderful people that otherwise I would have never known. I feel very grateful.

Yesterday I told my doctors that since we have been spending so much time together and knowing that I will be seeing them for the next 2 years ALOT they have become friends and I expect a good Christmas present from them. You should have seen their faces, I just gave them the look like I wasn't kidding . They probably think I am nuts. As I am writing this it still brings a smile to my face, I can still picture the look on their faces. You know your spending alot of time in the hospital when you recognize the cleaning people and they know you. I said to one of the men today while he was cleaning the windows I might as well get your name and introduce myself since I will probably see you again. He was cool with it and we both laughed. But I have to admit I hate running into the same people and you don't know their names. I actually want to know more like so how long have been at this job? Do you like it?How long have you lived here etc. etc.
Enough babbling, have a great day!

No Regrets,

I Got A Wig!

2009-10-22T16:24:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday I went back to a different wig store and it was much better. I was a little shaken when the lady put the bald cap on me before trying on the wigs. It definitely wasn't pretty. Once I started trying all the different kinds on, it was kind of fun. I bought one. I then went over to the cancer society, and they had a few, so I got one there. along with some cute hats and scarfs. So everyone, if you run into me you may not recognize me. I may have really short hair and the next day long and blond, red or pink.
I then went to meet with the plastic surgeon. It was a very surreal experience looking at real pictures of people after surgery knowing that will be me too. The more I think about it the more I realize I will be just fine and dandy!

Life just keeps getting better!

2009-10-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

This past weekend just flew by. My sister has been in town along with my sister-in-law . We went shopping and went out to lunch . It was fun just looking in all the stores and really just visiting with one another.
I decided since I wasn't alone I would go look for a wig. The professionals say you should do this while you have hair. I haven't looked forward to it, but didn't think it would be that difficult. Well, let's just say it was harder then I thought. I ended up looking around, but the lady working was so pushy. She kept saying to me, "Just try a few on," while following me around.
So, I walked out. Yep, I just walked out holding back the tears. I thought to myself: it's amazing how me, along with everyone else, is always wanting to look different. We want to change our shape, be taller or shorter, take away our wrinkles, have thicker or thinner, longer or shorter hair. OK, I have to admit I have always wanted to have dark olive skin and long dark hair with long legs.
But now my hair that I have always had will be gone and not by my choice. Yes, I know you are all saying it will grow back, and you are right, but the doctors say it could be a different COLOR, texture, curly or straight. And now all of a sudden I like how I look! (I guess its about time). So I guess what I am saying to all of you out there is to just love who you are and what you look like now.
After I got home I was mad at myself for not just dealing with it while I was there. So, I am going back up on Wednesday to get one. I WILL NOT leave the store without buying one or ordering one along with a few scarfs and hats. This weekend was just a small dose of reality that I think I needed and obviously will be living real soon.
Today I recieved really good news. My BRCA test came back. The results say that my cancer is not passed down genetically so I can't pass this to my girls. Yahoooooo!
I hope this post doesn't sound depressing. I didn't want it to. I just want to be honest with everyone on how I feel with what's going on. I am good and I do love my hair and will love whatever I get when it grows back. I hate to sound dramatic because there is always the chance that it will grow back just the way it is now, but if not, I will still love life!
I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and will try to update!

No Regrets, Shaquel

Good News!!!!!!!!

2009-10-13T14:37:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone
I recieved good news today. The cancer has not spread past my lymph nodes or my left breast.
I had a PET scan done yesterday to see if there was any cancer anywhere else in my body. I was relieved to have my Dr. call and give me the news. I am still waiting for one more test the BRCA.
I also have my surgery date it will be Nov. 3rd. I do not like the wait ,but I have to agree with my Dr. on this one.
I still can't lift my arm , but I am feeling so much better!!!!!!!!!!!
It was so nice to see family at Shaes wedding. Shae you looked beautiful!
Thank you all for the words of encouragement and the hugs.
I definitely have enjoyed all the visits from family and friends. Thank you! Keep them coming!

Hang in there Shaquel. There is HOPE!

2009-10-12T23:43:00.000-07:00

Plans Change!

2009-10-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone
I decided I would write and let you all know I am alive and doing well ! My Surgery date has changed and as of yet I don't have the exact date. It should be the end of this month but I feel bad that it will be close to halloween and I may be in the hospital so I am going to ask the surgeons if I can have it the first of Nov. What kind of mother would I be if i didn't watch my kids at the pumpkin run or take my usual burnt cookies to their class party, and then take them to the halloween carnival and trick or treating? don't say a smart one HA HA ,But who knows? There are a few reasons for the change of date for surgery, the 1st- My Dr. wants me to have healed and be alittle stronger . When they took my lymph nodes out it raised the risk for lymphedema which would be a permanent change (This is where my arm swells , the skin hardens, it loses it elasticity and can be vary painful,and I would not be able to raise my arm past my shoulder.) So to help that not happen I need to do certain exercises to get it strong ,if I had surgery this week that would make it so I can't use that arm for another couple of weeks. 2ND reason- I have to have a plastic surgeon in with the other surgeon so when the one surgeon does the mastectomy the other can start reconstruction so they have to work their schedules out 3rd- and I think biggest reason is we are waiting for a test result called the BRACA (genetic test) . If it comes back positive it raises the percentage that I will likely have cancer in the other breast sometime in the future so then I will do a bi-lateral mastectomy rather then just having one removed. After I heal from that surgery around thanksgiving then I will start chemo and my Dr. keeps trying to prepare me that my chemo will be very strong which means I will have severe side effects. So when I lose my hair everyone just be prepared it won't be pretty. I was hoping all this wouldn't happen so close to the holidays but I guess I can't control everything .Maybe I will get my Christmas shopping done before the week of Christmas this year!Oh I almost forgot I did get my drain (grenade) out yesterday I thought I would get it out last week but the nurse said it was not ready so it feels so much better not having that on me or carrying it around.
I just want to thank everyone for their prayers, phone calls, cards, flowers, gifts , meals, daycare and just being genuinely concerned for me and my family. We really do feel the love!
And I really am doing good Psychologically, emotionally,SPIRITUALLY and even alittle physically

Test results

2009-09-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

We just received the test results from Shaquel's surgery and we have good and bad news. The GREAT news is that the other breast does NOT have cancer. The lump they removed from the other side was just fibroid tissue. The other GREAT news is that out of the 20 lymph nodes that they removed, only 3 showed to have cancer. However, the tests confirmed that the type of cancer she has is very aggressive, but can't be predicted. There is no way to tell how fast it can or will spread. The doctors advised Shaquel to schedule a mastectomy. She will return to the surgical room on Oct. 9th to have the procedure done. Because of the aggressiveness of this cancer she will need to have Chemo. She will need to be fully healed from this surgery before she can begin her treatments. This will take about 3 weeks. So we are looking at the end of Nov. before any Chemo treatments. On Monday she will meet with a plastic surgeon, as well as her cancer doc. to go over any other options and discuss further plans. She thinks that tomorrow she will get the grenade drip taken out of her arm and be able to go home. I think that she has thoroughly enjoyed her stay at her moms. Thanks again for all your prayers and phone calls. I will continue to keep you posted with this blog. Feel free to send a message her way using this blog as well.

Honesty

2009-09-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

This past week for Shaquel has had some ups and downs. She definitely was "up" when she was on morphine, and loratab, you know the good stuff. Then she was "down" when they told her she didn't need it anymore and that she could go home. Wasn't that good, happy news? Yes, it was, but oh how she longed for just a little more morphine. When we visited her on Sunday, she admitted to me and I QUOTE ," I REALLY liked that morphine. That was some good stuff." We need to keep an eye on that girl!

In all honesty, this week has been a hard week for Shaquel. As tough as this girl is, recovery has not been an easy thing. It hasn't been as fast as she had hoped for. She said to me "I have been optimistic about this whole thing and last night (Monday) I was up all night and allowed myself to really think things through. I found myself worrying about the results and when would we get them. I even read some literature and statistics on breast cancer and I am scared to death. The what ifs are playing over and over in my mind. Do I have enough faith and optimism to not let fear overcome me?" The answer to that question is simple...yes, of course you do! You have 7 beautiful children to continue to live for. It is true, she has been optimistic, so much that a nurse meeting her for the first time commented on how Shaquel is inspiring because of how much optimism she has. It's been amazing to me as well. You can hear it in her voice, see it in her walk. This girl is out to beat this cancer and fight with everything she has. Here is her "plan of attack" for the next couple of weeks:

recover from surgery
have energy
get off all pain killers :}
get the "grenade" out ( a term used for this plastic container that has fluids draining into it from the surgery)
get as strong and healthy as I can before I start Chemo
stay and be positive
get some sleep
take a shower!
be able to wash my own hair

This sounds like it's going to be a fun filled 2 weeks!

Shaquel would like me to thank everyone for your prayers, your visits, the encouragement and love that she has received this far. Thank you also for your help with her kids. Jim you are an awesome husband and dad! We know that you are capable of doing it all. We just don't want you to get wore out. Don't take it personal that Savannah asks for Aunt Darlene to come and do her hair in the morning for school. It's okay. You are still a good person. You just might need some practice sessions first before she has confidence in your hairstyling technique. :}

Thanks again, keep those prayers coming. Every prayer counts!

In the beginning... there was PAIN!

2009-09-26T21:17:00.001-07:00

It began 3 weeks ago with an annoying pain at top of her chest. A couple of days went by and the pain never subsided. After a day of debating whether this was something serious or just GAS (lol) she found herself scheduling a Mammogram. While taking Rudy in for a check up, she asked the Doctor if she really needed to have a Mammogram. They determined that without a Mammogram the answer would not be clear. The following week Shaquel went in and had a Mammogram. While she patiently waited as the patient she saw several women come and go with happy faces. An hour and a half went by, several tests were conducted and Shaquel still did not have answers just a nurse that kept smiling as she passed by. Finally the nurse came in said the Doctor would like another Ultra Sound done. By this time she began to assume that something was not right. The Doctor found two suspicious spots that were not at the location of her pain. It didn't take long after that to schedule the next series of events. Biopsy, surgery and what her options were. Still there was no definite conclusion of what it was. They told Shaquel it could be two things, calcium deposits or cancer. It took two weeks to get the results from her biopsy and it confirmed that Shaquel does in fact have cancer. It is stage two breast cancer.

The type of Cancer that Shaquel has is called or referred to as Invasive or Infiltrating cancer. This type of cancer breaks through normal breast tissue barriers and invades surrounding areas such as nearby lymph nodes first. During her Surgery on Thursday of last week, the Doctor believes they were able to remove the cancer from the breast tissue and explored Lymph nodes and found that there was in fact cancer. They removed twenty or so Lymph nodes and have sent them off for further testing. We should have results by this Wednesday. :)

We do have reason to find peace and comfort in the many miracles that have taken place. If Shaquel never experienced the uncomfortable "pain" she was in, the doctors say that she could have gone another year without noticing any sign of cancer. She also was able to have the Best of the Best Cancer Doctors in all of Utah, Dr. Weintch is his name. Normally he has a five week waiting list just to get in to see him. In Shaquel's case, she has not only seen him but has had surgery within one weeks time.

Shaquel has kept her spirits high and hasn't lost her sense of humor. "Cancer Schmancer" is now her slogan.

Please keep her in your prayers.

We will post further updates as they come about.