Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well today was my birthday! I have had such a nice day. My friends Janariah and Teddi went with me to radiation and then off to lunch and shopping. I have to say It doesn't get much better then shopping with girlfriends. I love spending time with them. They are such good friends! Thanks Janariah and Teddi, love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up not to excited that it was my birthday, but then Kylie reminded me of how we all felt when I was diagnosed with cancer and the fears we had. As my family sang Happy Birthday to me with such enthusiasm and excitement, they could hardly contain themselves while watching me open the gifts they had given me. I couldn't help get alittle emotional . I looked at each of my children grinning ear to ear and and thought to my self, this is what life is all about. All of a sudden I was excited to celebrate this day and I am so grateful that I am here with family and friends to celebrate it and feeling oh so good!!

Many thanks for all the calls, cards, and gifts. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful friends and family. Many Thanks to you all! Love Ya!!!

Surviving The Heat

I just got back from radiation. It was a quick trip up and back. Of course I made my routine stop on the out of town to get gas, drink and depending on the day some candy. I drove home grateful that I have a nice car and I can drive in this 111degree heat wave in a air conditioned car. I am also glad that I have had no car troubles. flat tires, etc......

Today I woke up exercised, went grocery shopping and had two loads of laundry done by 8:00am. Aren't I amazing? OK so your not impressed, me neither since that is about all I accomplished today. But.........I do have a good excuse, my body hurts today. My feet ,ankles, shins, calves, knees, all the way up to my shoulders. I feel like what I think a 90 year would. I can't wait to have all my pains go away. I'm sure they will, with all the vitamins I am taking, plus power of the mind, right?

This weekend we took our kids up to Zion. We watched the IPEX movie, had a picnic and went on a short hike. It was fun to get away for the day. On the way home we stopped at Grandma and Grandpas house to swim and had some strawberry shortcake. It was so good!

Whats Normal?

It's Friday and I feel like I can breathe. I'm not sure why I feel that way. It's been a nice week - nothing too stressful. But for whatever reason, I can take in slow breaths and relax.



Tonight I went to the "Look good feel better" class. It is offered by the American Cancer Society. You are invited to go after being diagnosed with cancer. I went right before I started my chemo and it was my wake up call that shouted..............YOU have cancer and you are in for a ride of your life.!!!!!!!!!!! What a reality check for me.



I remember sitting down in the conference room and watching women remove their scarves and wigs and thinking to myself: this is real and I don't want to do this. I don't want to look like this.



Tonight as I sat there the wave of emotions flooded my mind again as I watched and visited other women that were bald and listened to their stories. I felt for them and yet at the same time I was so grateful it was not me starting out. I am so glad that I am on the tail end of this incredible year. I say incredible because, well, it just was.



I was able to visit with a friend, Andrea, that I had met in the beginning. We compared our hair (she is about 3 months ahead of me). We talked about many things: how vain we felt when we just wanted our hair back , worries about how are husbands and children have taken the last year, what different women we are now, to all the firsts that we have had to do. Like going out in public for the first time with a scarf, going out with no scarf and just the stubble of hair on our heads, the first time wearing a wig, first time after surgery and looking down and not seeing any breasts. Wow!



I love being around other women that have had cancer. I feel safe, normal (everyone has about the same haircut or will have the same) and accepted. When I was diagnosed I really didn't want to have anything to do with anyone that had cancer or talk about it. But now it brings me much comfort.

Thank you for the nice compliments. It's very much appreciated.

I Feel Brave!!!

I'm finally showing my new look. I'm glad I have my little girl to help me remember what my true hair color is. But for now, I'm not sure I like the color but I am glad to have hair. That is what dye is for, right? I am hoping to get braver and start going outside without my scarf soon. That scarf is really HOT. So if you see me out and about with my new look, BE KIND.

Mini Vacation

Another week has passed. This week has flown by. I took my 3 girls and stayed at my moms in St. George. My dad was gone on a business trip so it was all girls week. It was fun, relaxing and I was able to help my mom clean her garage out. (That's not easy).Ha ha

We started out the week in Grandmas pool by Monday evening my sister-in-law Kristen had gone into labor so by brother Jimmy brought his 3 kids over. Then my other sister-in-law Jackie brought her 3 boys over. We had dinner and then my mom wanted to take all the kids on a hike in Snow Canyon. She said there was a cool hole in this rock that would be fun to take pictures. We had one 2yr, two 3yrs, one 4yr. one 5yr,one 7yr, one 8 yr, one 9yr, one 12yr.-Total of 9 children. It was me, my mom and Jackie. My mom informed us it was not a long hike for the little kids it took only about 10 minutes from where we parked. It was a nice evening the kids were full of energy so out we went. We were hiking about 15 minutes and I ask my mom are we almost there? She says yes just around this corner, to make this story short we ended up hiking up and down and around hills and we arrived about 35-45 minutes later. The kids didn't complain they were having fun and we took some pictures. We started on our way back and my mom realized she forgot her keys on one of the rocks and it was getting dark. So she goes back, Jackie and Milo stay with her and I try to keep up with the kids. We ended up hiking under a beautiful moon and arrived back at 10:30pm.

The kids had so much fun, Little Cooper who is only 2 hiked the whole time and know one ever cried. I even had fun although the whole time I was thinking of Jimmy and Kris and if they knew we were out hiking at 10pm trying to find our way out they might be freaking.

I had taken off my scarf and I felt so free, it was very liberating for me. It felt good hiking under the stars and just listening to the kids talk about random things. I felt healthy and strong .I'm glad we went, thanks mom.

The rest of the week was full of swimming, staying up late, watching movies, shopping, visiting family and of course going to radiation. Thanks Jackie for helping with my kids.

Radiation has really not been bad. I am tired but feel good. Definitely better then chemo. I think I have already said that but its so true.

I cant finish without mentioning my new little niece. She is beautiful, she has lots of black hair and is so little. Her name is Raime Rose. Hope your feeling good Kris.

No Regrets,

Sleeping like a baby

I am giving Radiation all the credit even if it doesn't deserve it! I haven't slept very well this past year. I am either awake all night or I need to be on pain pills or use sleeping pills. BUT..... since starting radiation... I fall asleep fast and sleep the whole night. Although I have enjoyed it, it has caused a few arguments with my son Jimmy who is 17. This week I got after him 2 nights in a row for not waking me up when he came home. Now don't be judging me because I'm not the mom that stays up reading by my lamp to greet my son @ midnight and visit. I always wanted to be that mom but after a few tries with Cody I threw that idea out the window and now realize I can visit and find out info over a good breakfast. Anyway back to what I was saying. I just knew Jimmy was coming home after curfew and didn't want me to find out. After getting after him and threatening to ground him or take his phone away,he got upset and swore that he had been waking me up and he was never late. He said that I had full on conversations with him asking him what he did and if he had fun. Today I came home from radiation. I gave him the look-He starts laughing and once again swore he woke me up. He said he had proof this time, he video taped us last night talking and I even said I appreciate him always coming home on time. Oh yeah, after watching the video I started laughing but inside I am still dying. I really hope radiation is to blame because if its not by the time my kids are teenagers they will be out all night.

This week has been good, I am tired of driving to St. George everyday but I really can't complain.

My hair is still growing. My kids and husband say my hair is not long enough to take the scarf off(without them being embarassed). I never thought I would want to take it off this soon but I am ready. Be looking for a picture real soon because I am finally feeling brave to show you my new hair color. It's SO not red. It does make me alittle sad but at this point in time I will take whatever I can get.

No Regrets,

First Week Of Radiation

Where do I begin? After looking at my last post it was as long as a book, sorry.

It feels like so much has happened this week, I'm not sure what or how to write. My thoughts are all over the place.

Tuesday-I started my radiation, everything seems to be alright. I don't get sick like chemo so that is wonderful.

My daughter graduated from High School.

All my kids had their last day of school Wednesday.

Wed. morning woke up with my hands pure white, numb and very painful up my arm.

Wed. Jims family arrived for the graduation made graduation dinner for everyone.

Thursday woke up same with my hands but it lasted a lot longer.

Friday woke up again to the same problem but it lasted much longer meaning it took a couple of hours for the circulation to come back.

Friday went to radiation mentioned it to the guys doing radiation 10 minutes later I was in my doctors office, 1hr later sent to emergency to get checked for blot clot in my arm. 2 hrs later Dr. said I was fine I went home. Before I left my Dr. he informed me that I was going to have a MRI and go to a eye doctor to get my left eye checked out. It has been hurting for the last 10 days. Apparently it should not be a side effect from radiation or chemo.

Friday night came home exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Saturday-Went to a cancer survivors seminar and listened to a wonderful speaker Phyllis Snow. She has had cancer twice. It was inspiring, rejuvenating, humorous and exactly what I needed.