Merry Christmas !

Wow! I guess it's been awhile since I have written. This month has been a busy one. I tried posting once but couldn't seem to express my feelings on paper(computer).
Up until last weekend I have been in pain, it has been on my left side from my eye down to my shoulder, armpit and then back. I have been going to Dr's all month trying to figure out where its coming from. I know it has something to do with my lymphatic system. Anyway for whatever reason I have felt better this week. My kids think it has something to do with them being on school break. They may be right!
This Christmas I didn't start shopping until this week and its been kind of nice. Instead of shopping I have enjoyed looking at the Christmas lights and reading Christmas stories to my children. We have TrIeD to do many activities that were centered around Christ. I have thought a lot about Mary and Joesph. We would not be celebrating Christmas without the birth of Jesus and what he means to us and yet I think of Mary how pure she must had been to be chosen to be his mother. I am in awe of her, what a righteous women she must have been. Studying her and Joesph make me want to strive harder to be a good mom and worthy of my children. I feel like last year at this time I was tired, sick and stressed. I can't help but think about where and what me and my family were doing last year at this time. I had gone through 3 surgeries and had started Chemo. As I write this I can't seem to contain my emotions. On Christmas day last year my husband shaved my head. I remember just staring at myself bald and my little kids faces, their faces will be embedded in me forever. As my family had gone to bed I went in the bathroom took off my beanie and didn't recognize the person before me. What a year. Anyway, as I was saying I feel like last year I was preoccupied and didn't help my children focus on what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. So we have enjoyed celebrating this season.
Every year I tell myself that I am going to do a Christmas letter, and now its almost over and I haven't done one. I just want to tell my family and friends I appreciate them sending me one. I love it and so just maybe I will get one out next year.
I want to tell all of you Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy being with family and friends and will be able to feel our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christs love for you.

Merry Christmas!

Procrastination Is My Middle Name

I really hate to admit this, but I think I may be a procrastinator. Ouch! that actually hurts to say or write out loud. I have wanted to write and have had different things I wanted to write to remember forever but now they are long forgotten. My memory is very short lived lately.



I do remember how much fun I had Celebrating Thanksgiving. I am so grateful to be surrounded by family and be able to sit down and eat good food that was prepared with love and if I helped a little stress.



The cousins played around the clock and of course they all want to stay at Grandmas. Poor worn out Grandma and Aunt Tiesha. She is my sister that lives in Gilbert Arizona so when she comes she tends to have alot of my children. But she did get a break one day? All the girls went shopping on Friday, then went to Breakfast, went to the Santa workshop and then more shopping. We ran into so many friends and family while shopping and I ran into several of nurses that have worked with me over the last year. It was fun to see and visit them somewhere other then at the hospital or dr's office.



On Saturday we went to a movie with all the kids and then the Adults went out to Dinner. I love visiting with my siblings and their spouses. Much better then when my brothers chased me around and through the house when I was little. I would end up running to my moms bedroom locking the door then going in her bathroom locking that door and hiding in a cupboard. Don't worry they didn't beat me but it was the fear. And I am the oldest. Ha ha



My family ended our 12 days of Gratitude and they all loved it. I decided I am going to share one of my sons letter we received from him regarding gratitude. http://www.missionsite.net/eldercannon
If you go to Cody's link just hit on latest letter and the letter will pop up.

I don't mention him alot because he is on a mission in Paraguay for 2 years. He will be returning this August and we get to talk to him on Christmas. He is loving it and has grown so much.(Spiritually,mentally, and physically). We love and miss him but so grateful for his example.

As the Christmas season begins I hope you all can enjoy and feel our Saviors love for us. I started listening to Christmas music on Thanksgiving and I'm TRYING to do things with my children that will make our Christmas focused on Christ and not as much on Santa. I love this time of year and as I think of last year at this time, I am so glad(understatement)that its a new year.

What Are You Grateful For?

I just got back from the Breast Cancer Symposium. There was a Doc. Panel with 2 of my favorite Dr's. I have to say when they walked into the room I cried. Not quite sure why, maybe because I feel like they are good, smart, kind Dr's that helped me through the toughest time in my life.


After they spoke they had a lady speak that has survived cancer 3 times and she talked about the importance of attitude. She was good.


After the speakers we preceded into the Dixie Center and did the pink glove dance. It was fun and I felt free.


Then we had a luncheon and Fashion Show. It was a nice day and it is always fun to see other lady's and connect with them.

I thought maybe I would go Christmas shopping after but I was tired, well actually exhausted and I just came home and laid on my bed. Since I chose to lay in bed I should be making dinner instead of writing, so this will be short and sweet. What should I make? What are you making for dinner?

My kids have been having fun with coming up with what they are grateful for. I thought I would list a few.

Asia-As she giggles she says Jesus

-My family

Savannah-That I have a mom that tucks me into bed each night.

-That I am beautiful(I'm glad she thinks that, but we did laugh).

Rudy-For Dr's that help us get better, like fixing my knee so I could walk.

-For my Teacher Mr. Adams

Kylie-For my mom & Dad that gives us a home and a warm bed to climb into at night.

-For a bathroom that has a toilet that flushes, she then reminds us that Grandma had a outhouse when she grew up.

Jimmy-For my girlfriend

-For School(Surprise)

These are a few of the things they have said, we have had alot of fun. They have all mentioned how hard it is to just choose one each night. They have said that they do realize they are very lucky and very blessed. I think they are wise realizing so young.

What Else But Gratitude!

Our family started are yearly tradition yesterday. It is the 12 days until Thanksgiving. Every year I think I will do it all month but I am not that organized.
We start the 12 day count down by listing something we are grateful for each night. Then on different nights we will have stories on gratitude or we will write letters or notes to whomever my children want to tell that they are grateful for. We will do random service projects for someone and of course bake cookies for someone. My kids get excited and it makes them think and realize that they have a wonderful life and our lucky. Each night is alittle different. I also get excited, but since I'm not as organized as I would like to be or try to be, it can stress me alittle by the end. I hate to admit that!
I have been debating on if I should share this story but hopefully it won't come back to bite me. We started out sharing one thing we are grateful for and when it was Rudy's turn
he said in all seriousness "I am grateful for my privates".
I said " What did you say?"
Rudy "My privates"
I said "Why would you say that?'
Rudy"Heavenly Father is smart, I had the worst stomach ache and after going the bathroom I thought to myself, that would be so gross if that just stayed in my body, and my stomach would be so full and look fat if all the water I drank never came out of me.
I said "yes that is true with a sigh of relief"
Rudy "I am glad that we have privates and they work so good"
I said "Me to"
That was not the answer I was prepared for. I was waiting for some answer like he was glad to have friends or glad for his dad, not privates. Ha ha
I had Dr. Appointments last week that were rescheduled for this week. I was sick last week so I am glad I didn't have to go. But it will be a busy week and I hope they can figure out why I keep getting pain in my eye, cheek and top of my head. When it hurts and I get frustrated I remind myself how grateful I am that it is not cancer.

Here is a gratitude Quote for this post-

"If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get". Frank A. Clark

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." John F. Kennedy

Feeling Safe and Secure

It's Friday night, my husband Jim and my son Rudy left early this morning to go Elk hunting. Is it wrong to say Whew! It's just me and my 3 little girls home. They are content to have Turkey sandwiches and for whatever reason I feel like I can just relax. I don't even clean the house.
Tonight me and my girls turned up the music, grabbed our microphones and then sang and danced throughout the house. We had so much fun! We giggled and laughed until we were exhausted. As I write they have put their PJ's on and climbed in my bed. Of course they are sleeping with me. Their dad is gone and they know that means we all pile in together. I love it! Even if I get kicked or a flailing arm hits my face I still love it.
But I am a parent that whenever my kids come in my room and want to sleep with me I let them, whether it be because they are scared or cold. When they climb in and curl up to you and they feel warm and safe. They seem to fall asleep so fast. Oh how I love that.
It brings memories of my own childhood. I remember doing the same thing to my parents. I still can feel the warmth of my parents bed and security I felt when climbing into their old water bed. How lucky I am to have such great parents. Here I am 25 OK maybe 30, 35? Oh OK I just can't seem to say my real age.(Its because I danced and sang like a teenager tonight). I still love to climb into my parents bed and visit with my mom and dad. I know I had many conversations with my parents snuggling by them that shaped me to be the person I am today. It's the stillness of the night when you are laying there and can talk about anything. Did I say how much I love my parents!

My sweet moments of the week

I caught Asia singing while standing on the bar stool in front of the fridge. While looking in the fridge she was singing"I love Jesus and I KNOW he loves me" repeating it several times. She was so happy.

Rudy getting ready to go hunting and tells me "I am going to miss you tucking me into bed." Then he whispers don't tell dad or Jimmy I just said that.

Kylie grabbing my hand to hold and saying"I'm so glad you taught my class today" while we were walking with the class to the lunchroom.

I was volunteering for the book fair at my children's school and while I was there the nurse came in and told me that Savannah had fallen on her back on the monkey bars. She was OK but wanted to see me. The nurse sent her down to me and as soon as she saw me she started crying and ran to me. She told me how bad it hurt and how scared she was. After she cried for a minute she felt better and went to class. Now I know I just didn't change the world but to me that moment felt so important and I was so glad that I could just hold her for a minute and be there for her.

The Unexpected!

The last 72 hrs have been a whirlwind. I went to my appointments and the first one was fine but the 2nd, Dr. H ended up ordering a MRI for me. The day was stressful. My eye on the left side and part of the top of my head has hurt for about 5-6 weeks. I have tried to link it to something perhaps maybe a sinus infection, head cold? But the pain has gotten more intense as the weeks have gone by. After doing a few tests my Dr. said it was time to do a MRI. He tells me in the nicest way possible that he was worried it was the big C word. He then scheduled the test for the same day and said he didn't want to wait another day. I went over to radiology and was told that it would take about 25 minutes. 3 hrs later I was done. The MRI machine would stop working while I was in the small little tube. I didn't realize how claustrobic I was. It's one thing to go in the tube for 15 minutes but to stay in there for a long period of time was pushing it.

After the MRI I went over to Red Mountain Resort & Spa. For Breast Awareness Month the Spa invited Survivors to a Celebration Of Survival. They had light refreshments and mini stations to have head back massages, hand massages, life coach to talk to, a lady that reads cards. I had so much fun! It felt so good talking to others going through the same thing, I feel so validated when talking to others. I really am not a wimp and making things up, everyone else has the same aches, pains and also worries. That night helped me relax alittle.

The next morning I went to the Pumpkin Run. I love watching my kids. They are all so unique and have a different perspective on competion and just the race itself. While watching them I couldn't help but keep checking my phone waiting for the Dr. to call with the results.
At 11:30 am my Dr. called and said well the good news is---------You don't have Cancer and no signs of a mini stroke. He thought I would have one those two things. The poor Dr. I couldn't keep my emotions in check. I felt like I could breathe along with feeling exhausted. He said the bad news is----------I don't know what is wrong but something definitely is. I told him I was fine with that as long as I don't have cancer I can live to find out. So I will start going to see more Dr.'s and having tests. Whew! It's not cancer.
My thoughts turn to the loved ones I know that are still struggling and have struggled with cancer for far too long and know that in heaven they were much stronger then me. I love You!

Mothers Making the World A Better Place

I just pulled up my blog and noticed I haven't written in quite awhile. So what should I say? I'm sure I have done something in the last few weeks. Of course, I now remember. I have washed at least 3-4 loads of laundry a day. Folded clothes, put some away and some stayed in the basket. I have washed dishes, made countless meals(some good and some not so good). I have vacuumed, dusted, cleaned bathrooms. I have gone visiting teaching. I have substituted here and there. I have spent countless hours helping children do homework, tried to have fun but spiritual family home evenings with out someone leaving the room crying or fighting. I have held scripture study with my kids feeling so productive until I quiz them hours later and they say"I can't remember us reading that?" I have stayed up late waiting for my son to come home for the night to waking up early with my youngest daughter Asia, thinking to myself did I get any sleep?
So as I write this I have to laugh because I realize that I have been busy and although I am not traveling the world, I am changing the world and making it a better place by staying at home raising my children. How lucky am I to be a mother!
Last weekend was homecoming and the football team played great and won! The beginning of the game I noticed all the football players had pink tape wrapped around their cleats. I was glad that someone made them aware of Breast Cancer. As the game started I had a couple of mothers come up to me and say the team was wearing that for me. My own son plays on the team and he hadn't said a word. Well they honored the seniors and their parents that night down on the field before the game. As I stood by my son he whispered to me "look at all the guys cleats, we are wearing that color for you tonight" Tears came to my eyes, how thoughtful. I still don't know who came up with the idea coaches, kids, their parents? Whoever,I appreciate it! and I know other Breast cancer survivors appreciate it too. Love you!

Tomorrow I have 2 Dr. Appointments. I will let you all know how they go.
I also will be posting pictures of the events I have been involved in this month.

The Journey of a Year

These pictures show how I look on the outside, but they also reflect how I was feeling on the inside. I am surprised at how much I miss my red hair. I look at the picture with the red hair and I realize how much I have grown in the last year. I am still the same person but stronger, better relationship with my Heavenly Father and have a better understanding of who I am becoming.

No Regrets!

Shaquel

July 28, 2009

The look I miss!!!

March 16, 2010

OUCH!!!

June 13, 2010

The Beginning!

October 12, 2010

ME Today!!!

Breathe

Yahoo its Friday! Do any of you feel a sigh of relief when its Friday? Whether it be you don't have work the next day or for me its because my kids don't have homework due the next day. Now I am a parent that thinks kids don't get all the education or help they need at school; so I know that homework and reading are important for them to do. Oh, before I forget I better say teachers are great well most, I really do believe they are Saints but there are too many kids at different levels and the teacher basically needs help from the parents to make sure kids excel. Now that I have said that I still say I REALLY DISLIKE HOMEWORK! It's kind of like the same problem the teachers have with so many students . I also have many kids at home and they too are all on different learning levels. By the time you help each one it seems that one kid is crying saying I just don't understand math or how much longer do I have to read? Do I really have to practice the piano or oh I forgot I have a report due tomorrow and its 9pm(my high schooler)can you help me? What do you do ? Help him although you are so tired and want to go to bed or say well that's a bummer for you, have fun working on it and hope he learns his lesson and won't do it again. I am the mom that says oh great I'll help ,if you promise you won't wait until last minute next time. So as I was saying Fridays are heaven to me.

Then for some reason Saturday morning arrives they quickly do their chores and then off to play with friends. My kids could live outside. They have played at the water park, made a lunch and sat in the shade at the church. They climbed trees, rode their bikes, made ramps for jumping bikes and played in the ditch that is empty but full of mud. They are so happy and they seem so sweet with no worries. I almost forget how grouchy they can be when Monday rolls around and we are doing homework.

Jinxed!

I feel jinxed! After several hours of getting a different computer hooked up to my printer and getting it to actually work; I now can't get my printer to work. I feel like screaming, especially when I hear the mans voice over and over that says "put paper in auto feeder"! It is in the paper auto feeder! But it doesn't work.
I have been trying to learn more about computers, but I finally think that I am jinxed when it comes to any kind of computer. They are so frustrating.
I was thinking I would put new pictures up, but not today. I have know more patience.
So I thought to calm myself down I would think about why this week was so wonderful.

Top 10 Reasons this week has been wonderful !

1- My house is clean, I worked really hard and I mean hard!

2-My friends little boy Anson and my Asia were playing while we were trying to fix my computer. We go see what they are doing and they had gotten into the fingernail polish. Yes, I threw 19 empty bottles away. They emptied them in my bedroom. But the great news is we got the nail polish out of the carpet it only took us oh, lets just say several hours of trying everything to get it out. Yes its a nice week!

3-We had a great family Home Evening!

4-I haven't been as tired as last week!

5-My kids still love to go to school and that does include Rudy.

6-My kids ate their dinner each night without complaining.

7-I forgot to pay my phone bill so I had no phone for two days. It was quiet! ( I seriously thought I had paid it).

8-I spoke to a friend that I haven't talked to for forever.

9-I feel healthy

10-I have had all week to look forward to listening to Conference. I love General Conference. I love that spiritual boost you receive.

Hope you all had a great week l have the same for the weekend!

One Year Ago Today!

Last week I took my two boys to my family physician. They both had needed to see the Dr. He was the one who told me I had cancer. It was the 1st time I had seen him and his nurses since my appointment with him over a year ago. When I saw my Dr. a wave a emotion came over me. (Maybe its that attachment issue I have). I told my Dr. thanks for how kind he was. He had received my results when he was on his way home from work. He ended up calling me around 8:00pm while he was at his daughters b-day party. He apologized for calling so late but didn't want me to have to wait another night.
He then told me I had cancer. I still remember where I was sitting. I was in my girls room sitting on their big lime green chair. He asked me if I had someone with me. I told him no ,but that I was fine. He then proceeded to tell me my 1st step will be to see a surgeon. He asked if I knew any and had a preference, I didn't. He said he would call and try to get me in to the one that if his wife had cancer that's where he would go. I then started my journey. To hear the words 'YOU HAVE CANCER" was probably one of the hardest or most difficult parts of this past year. I didn't cry while talking to my Dr. I was home alone when he had called. When my husband and children came home I didn't cry, I didn't even cry when I told my husband. We didn't tell my kids for a couple of days. My first cry was when I tucked my children into bed that night, I helped them say their prayers, gave them a kiss and the tears started. What if I won't be the one to help them with their prayers and give them a kiss each night. I then got into bed and looked at my husband and cried and then through out the night I would keep going in and looking at my children wondering what are future would be. The tears couldn't stop. I was so scared for the unknown of what could happen. My worst fear I could die and leave my children. For me that night has left a impression on my mind that I will never forget. Three days later I went in for my 1st surgery and the rest is history, right?

What Goes Through Your Mind ?

I have to say I feel like it has been along time since I have actually sat down and wrote.

After the labor day weekend I started out the week with a bang! I was sick the whole week. I ended up going in and having labs done. I had just a few different kinds of infections in my body. But with the help of the miracle antibiotics I started feeling better within 24 hrs. So I felt good over the weekend. But by Tuesday I felt sick again. I'm thinking what the heck! My Dr. informed me I still may get sick easily although I am CANCER FREE! (I love saying that). Anyway by today I have started feeling better. So here I am trying to think of something to write.



I have been thinking about some of the thoughts I have had this week and I have to say I love people. Maybe that's why I get so attached to so many different people and I will be their forever loyal friend. I love to meet new people, I love funny people, I love my friends from childhood to college, work settings and now the people I associate with. There is nothing better then being with people that make you feel comfortable and can make you laugh. When you haven't spoke to a friend for years and then when you do its like you feel like you were just with them yesterday. I have just been thinking lately how blessed I have been in my life, all the people that come in and out of my life. Do you ever wonder where, what, or how some of the people you have associated with in your life are doing? I do, I still wonder about a girl from high school that I worked with. We both were baggers at the local grocery store. We came from two totally different backgrounds. I always think of the kids I have worked with the past 20 years. Did they get their lives straightened out? Are they happy? In jail? Married? I even think of past boyfriends wondering if their doing alright and living the life they wanted. I think of old roommates that I lived with for just a short time or past co-workers. I wonder throughout are lifetime how many people we have met and associated with. Did we have any affect on them as they had on us? In all actuality its kind of mind boggling to think about. If we had a movie screen that showed all the people we knew. I know I would see people that I can't even remember now. When thinking about all the people I have known I sure hope they are as happy as I am...and that I haven't offended them. If I have offended any of you sorry.

(I know, scary what goes through my mind some days, but I really think its amazing all the people we meet through out are lives)



Here are a few conversations that happened with my children that made me smile this week.



The other night I was talking on my cell phone and my husband was putting the kids in bed. My Savannah has a tendency to keep getting out and coming up with every excuse to prolong her bedtime. While talking on the phone I receive another call. I look at the number and its my house phone. I answer it and its Savannah whispering. She says" Mom I am in bed but dad won't let me get out will you please get me a drink and a snack and oh don't tell dad I called you... ohh and that I have the phone. I look in her room and she is hiding under her covers while talking. I am still laughing.



The other day I was trying to convince Asia to let me comb her hair and let me do something with it. It's really long. As I was trying to tell her to sit down, she looks at me and says mom I don't need my hair combed, I am already boootiful. She then flips her hair and giggles. I think I am in trouble.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

P.S. My hair is getting longer, yeah! I will try to post a picture next week.

LABOR DAY WEEKEND

My family went to Northern Nevada to visit my husbands family.

Every year they have a parade over Labor Day. My Father-in-law who is the most creative genius I know, made this train for his grand kids to ride in. He took a old 4-wheeler of ours and took the plastic off and then made the train engine. I can't remember what the theme was but he made the train look like a mining train. They covered the candy in gold tin foil to look like gold and the kids got to throw them out to people. They had a blast!

I even think they won 1st prize for their entry in the parade. From the pictures you can tell that they got mining hard hats and the light on the front. Janice put makeup on the kids to look dirty and I have to say they looked so cute.
Thanks Grandpa & Grandma Cannon!

School Is Back In Session

Don't you just hate it when you think of things you need to do but you are somewhere where you can't? That's how I have been this week about posting my blog. My computer has been broke and I thought of all these things I was going to write and now my mind is blank.



I do remember that yesterday I went to see Dr. H.. My favorite Dr. All looks well! Tests came back OK so no worries. After struggling last week it felt good to visit with my Dr. and listen to him remind me that I am not going crazy and I'm not a hypochondriac. He said "your not out of shape and exhausted because you haven't been exercising its because you just received chemo, (poison) in your body it has nothing to do with exercise". He then added"to top it off you also have no estrogen in your body and never will" Reminder to all of you out there that are in the same boat as me we are not hypocondriacs. Anyway I walked away from my visit feeling recharged. Thanks Dr. H..



School started this past Monday. My kids were so excited and looked so cute! They love their teachers and seem motivated to work hard. But I am a realistic parent and know that in a few days they won't be as excited. I wish the excitement would last all year especially with the homework. Their Grandma and Grandpa Andrus had a back to school party for all the grand kids. They went swimming in their pool and had a barbecue. Then Grandma gave each of them back to school presents that they can use. They were so excited and had everything set out Sunday night. They were prepared!



I now get to stay at home with my Asia. She had preschool this morning and then we came home had lunch, read countless books until she fell asleep and here I am. I do have to admit I don't think I will post a long entry because I am going to go join her and not feel one bit guilty for as you know life is so good. I have been able to get up each morning BEFORE my children, feed them a good breakfast and have their lunches made and ready to go. We are able to have family prayer and I can give them a kiss FROM the front door instead of from my bed. So different then last year. I think I may appreciate this year much more then my children. I will forever need to thank my Aunt Darlene who came over each morning and filled in for me. Due to her I don't think my kids missed a beat. Love You!

Believe!

Today is the beginning of a new week. As I came home this morning from walking and kneeled down on my knees I was reminded how grateful I am to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints ( Mormon). I am so glad that I believe in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the Atonement and how it helps me in my life each day.



Last night was a longggg night I only slept maybe a hour. My body hurt from head to toe. It always seems to be my bones. I lay in bed tossing and turning(you all have had those nights) wanting to sleep. Every time I turned to lay another way my bones in my shoulder, neck,ribs, feet, legs and head hurt. As soon as it was light I forced myself out of bed to go walking. It feels good to be walking and look up and see the clear blue sky and feel the sun shining on me, but today as I tried to enjoy my surroundings I had to try to keep my emotions in check because my body hurt so bad. Eventually discouragement started settling in. Other walkers were passing me and I felt so alone and of course out of shape. I think the reason why I felt lonely was that I knew they (others) couldn't understand why I couldn't keep up with them or why it hurt so bad to walk.

I also have been very apprehensive (I'm not sure if that's the right word) this week. It is my year mark to when I knew something was wrong and I had to go in for two different biopsy's. I knew in my heart I had cancer and I was not letting other people know except my family and a close friend. I remember acting like all was alright as I was preparing my kids for school and sending my son off on a mission. Inside I was a wreck. I am surprised at how I am feeling now, I want Aug/Sept to be over. No surprises.

I went to Walmart today and ran into a lady that had Breast cancer too. I think Heavenly Father new I needed to see her. We were basically diagnosed at the same time. While she was talking I felt relief, although she was crying and I was trying not to. I felt the stress melt away. She feels the same way I do with so many things. I felt normal again.

I then took Savannah to the dentist Dr. P. and he told me that their 2yr was just diagnosed with Leukemia and his wife is due in 2 weeks with their 3rd child. He said it has been hard because his son is still too young to really communicate and tell them how he feels and where it hurts. Tears came to my eyes and I thought back to this morning and all I could think about was the Atonement and how important it is.

As I go to bed tonight I realize that I am truly never alone. I hope all of you feel the same way.

No Regrets,

Kennedy Center Bans Prayer at Beck Event - Meridian Magazine

Kennedy Center Bans Prayer at Beck Event - Meridian Magazine

"America the Beautiful" live at Jefferson Memorial with the Mormon Taber...

The Faith of Abraham Lincoln - Meridian Magazine

The Faith of Abraham Lincoln - Meridian Magazine

Well I hope everyone reading this blog enjoyed all the videos. I have never really been politcally involved but as I see our country changing, I am nervous actually scared for what lies ahead for my children, grandchildren.

I watched these videos and just wanted to share.

Feeling The Wind In My hair!

Last night my son was begging me to let him take me on a 4-wheeler ride. I finally gave in. You would be nervous for me if you could see how he drives. Anyway, as I along with Savannah and Asia were being chauffeured by Rudy; we were able to ride in weather that didn't feel like 110 degrees. It was nice, the evening air was cool and it felt good feeling the wind on my face and actually feeling it go through my hair! Yes, can you believe it my hair is still short but long enough to feel that I have some. It was awesome! It has been a long time feeling anything like that on my head. My hair is getting lighter and in the sun you see a little red.
We had been riding around for quite awhile and had started for home when all of a sudden the 4-wheeler starts slowing down and then finally stops. Yes we were out of gas. I told Rudy well I guess that ride is over and we both hopped off and started pushing the 4-wheeler home. As we were pushing we were laughing and blaming one another on who should have checked the gas when Rudy says "Mom its probably a good thing this happened because you didn't exercise this morning and now you can go to bed knowing you finally did". We then push a little further and I was dying my legs were burning and he looks at me and starts laughing and says"And doesn't this feel good". I agreed, especially since I was in my Pj's.
(Savannah pushed for a little while but ended up back on the 4-wheeler with Asia to help her steer.) Although we ran out of gas we had alot of fun !

What's Your Hobby?

Yesterday I went in to Joann's looking for some materials I needed for Activity days.
Well I might as well
been in a foreign country. I walked down each
aisle
slowly looking at everything. I see all different kinds of material,
needlepoint
(stuff), crotcheting yarn, knitting materials, ribbons,
scrapbook paper,
stamps, wooden boxes, paints, etc...I notice my heart
is
beating faster and I am
getting really hot, struggling to catch my
breath,
thinking to myself this store
is killing me. As I am trying to
breathe and
as I am talking to myself saying
and "you thought you were
crafty just
because you made a skirt 2o yrs ago in
Home Ec. well I think
Its time I
learn a new hobby." As I am saying
this I turn
the corner and low
and behold their sits a new sewing machine
that says
its for beginners. I
thought well maybe I should buy it and learn to sew. I read everything on
the box and then the thought comes to my mind
wait.......... I thought I was
going to learn more about my computer and how
it works and
how I can scrap
book on my computer. (I'm sure I don't have
time for
both). So I leave
the store without the sewing
machine ready to go
home and get back on
the computer and learn how
it really works. I decide
I will find some
relaxing hobby after I
am a expert on the computer. I am
driving home
excited thinking well
learning computer skills can be my new hobby and then
wait.....I remembered
that I was going to start focusing on sending
thank
you cards to so many
people from this past year and I was going to be organized
and remember
peoples b-days and just let them know I was thinking of them,
and
then I
thought no I was going to start focusing on cooking better, finding new recipes, so I could provide really healthy but good meals for my family and friends. Oh wait.....
I thought I was going to start taking more pictures and learn how my camera really works.
But then I get home put my comfy
pj's on
and thought to myself I know I was going to do something but I
can't
remember so
I crawled in my comfortable bed that was calling
my name
and fell
asleep.

This is the story of my
life. This is the honest truth of my thoughts today. Crazy I know!
And I don't like the outline of my blog but can't figure out how to change it. Maybe I should focus on my computer skills.

Just Another Day!

Today I spent the day at the hospital with Rudy. He had his screw taken out of his knee. It was the same place I had all my surgeries the past year. It was nice not being the one going in for another surgery but yet I felt guilty it was my little boy. He was not even nervous. He said "mom it's just how I feel about school, I don't want to go but I know I have to". He then smiled at me as the nurses wheeled him away.



Two hours later Dr. P came out and said Rudys knee looked great except his tendon was really stretched and he was throwing up and struggling to wake up. But overall everything went well. He said a nurse would be out in 20 min. to get me....



An hour went by and the nurse finally came to get me. She said Rudy was having a hard time waking up. He seemed to have some kind of allergic reaction, his eyes were swollen, throwing up and basically looked horrible. So to get to my point we had to stay another 3 hrs in a room to watch his condition improve. Once he improved we finally left. What a long day.



My husband was gone and missed the whole thing. Actually.... He just walked in as I'm typing from being in Canada( hunting). He thought he would be home 3 days ago but due to flight problems he couldn't make it.



I don't want to brag but I held down the old homestead quite well without him. Of course it helps not having to go to some kind of job. Ha ha

The Vacations Are Over!

Rudy on boogie board
Kalen, Savannah, Asia, Kylie

Savannah running in the kids relays
Rudy running in relay, took 1st, Yeah!

Grandma & Asia swimming

Kylie & Avrie canoeing

Kylie & Avrie shopping at Country Store

Rudy, Matt, Grandpa and Savannah fishing

Savannah & Jemma


Well we are now home from our reunions. We had a blast! Its's fun to watch your kids play with their cousins and get along.

I do have to say that I went to both reunions without my husband. He has been gone hunting in Canada for 20 days. I was tired but not as tired as I thought I would be. I was worried not having my husbands help with the kids and pulling the camp trailor but we managed. Although we did miss him.

So now we are home and back to cleaning and doing lots of laundry, Yeah!

Yesterday I went to Dr. K whom I also love. I love Dr's that actually spend time talking to you. He was checking to see what damage the radiation had done to my skin and my implants and they weren't bad(he was surprized)he said he has seen women 2yrs later that there skin had not gone back to normal above and under the skin. So I was happy.

I hope you all are enjoying your summer becauseeee school is just around the corner, dang it!

On The Road Again!

My trip to California with my Reber Clan was a blast! Thank you, Thank you! Everything turned out so nice. It was so fun visiting with so many of you and I loveddddddd the food. I need to get a few recipes from all of you. We missed those of you that couldn't attend and I'm sure we talked about you(in a good way).

My kids loved the beach. It's amazing how much kids love water. They didn't want to leave. It's fun watching the kids play with their cousins laughing and having a good time.


Tomorrow I am leaving for another family reunion on my dads side. We have been getting ready all day. I am so lucky to be able to play so much.

Today I went to see my favorite Doctor Dr. H. Everything looks great! The only down side is my bones still don't look to strong so I am getting more medication. I also will start Femara(sp?).
It is a estrogen blocker. I will take that for the next 10 years.

There are so many people getting cancer. It is so scary. I am so blessed to have gone through this year and have it end this way. I appreciate all your prayers.


I was thinking of ending my blog after today, since I got the fantastic news that I am cancer FREEEEEEEE! I then decided to keep writing until the date I was diagnosed with cancer. If I had to write about my daily life it would be quite boring. I wish I was a good writer, I am amazed at some of the blogs that people write. I have to admit it has been very therapeutic writing and hearing your comments. Thanks for all your love and support.

Vacation Time!

I am off to California! We are going there for a family reunion. We are so excited my kids have been packed for days. They can't wait to play with cousins and have fun in the sun playing on the beach. It will be nice to get out of the heat, yesterday was 109. That is hot!

I will return from our trip in time to head back to one of my favorite Dr's, Dr.H. on Monday. I will have more blood tests, go over my last test results and then start on hormonal drugs to keep all estrogen out of my system, I think? How exciting?

This is my first week I haven't had to head to St. George for a Dr's. Appointment. It has been fannnntastic! I feel like I have been able to do so much more with my kids and of course have alittle more cleaning time.

Hope you all are having a fun summer!

No More Radiation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited yesterday was my last radiation treatment. I went in feeling giddy, I just kept smiling. All the nurses and other patients were sharing in the excitement with me, I loved it. I laid on the table just looking at the beam so excited I was done. When I was getting ready to go, everyone gave me hugs and told me how much they will miss me. I then went in to visit the Dr., and he told me everything looks great. We visited for awhile talking about the past year and as we were walking out he gave me a big hug. He told me I was done! All the steps I took this past year to get to this point are done, no more major steps to take. I started crying like a baby. I felt like I had come full circle because Dr. W. was the first Dr. I saw after my diagnoses. I remember how scared I was, he made me feel comfortable, and I knew he would do everything he could do to help me. Then to see him on my last day of radiation and to tell me I've done well; it just felt so surreal. So as I said I cried all the way home.

I have so many emotions. As I have thought about my cancer, it makes me also think about my testimony/beliefs. It's my testimony that before this earth life we were in heaven together, happy, willing to come to earth and accept the joys/challenges that come with it. I think of some of you, how righteous and strong you are, and must have been. And still are even if you don't think you are. I don't believe are trials were given to us randomly. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that each of us have a divine purpose/plan and God will help us accomplish that plan whatever that is.

No Regrets,

Happy 4TH Of July !

I just have a few thoughts I would like to share.

I just got back from walking. While walking two women passed me. I thought to myself "boy they are walking fast, am I that slow and out of shape?'. I kept walking, we met again and they were still cruising, self defeating thoughts came to my mind about how out of shape I am. I then l looked at myself and I wondered if they noticed how I was walking? On my right side, my foot to my knee was completely numb and I was concentrating on walking right so I wouldn't trip. On my left side I had my elbow bent and stuck out so my arm couldn't touch my side. I am so burned from radiation that from collar bone to the middle of my chest and under my arm pit is a deep red and purplish color. So uncomfortable. Anyway as they passed me and said they just completed their last lap, I said to myself oh my heck they lapped me, BUT as I felt the pains in my body and looked at myself walking funny, I started walking my last lap with a smile on my face and thinking I am at least walking it beats laying on my bed or bathroom floor.

Don't compare yourself!

This past weekend was the 4Th. I hope you all had a good time celebrating. I love the 4th. I was looking up information on our founding fathers for my family home evening lesson. As I was reading different articles I found info. on how Columbus believed in God and how he prayed to him, I then went on to find stories about George Washington and his belief in pray and how he received answers from God. Then Abe Lincoln relying on guidance through pray from God and so forth.

I then looked at are government and thought if only they would all PRAY to God and ASK for guidance and then LISTEN to his answers and then FOLLOW them, I think I would feel much safer in whats going on in the world. I then thought of us "We the People". How important it is to us that we study and find info. about the people running and then........... get down on are knees and ask for direction and guidance regarding them.

I know my thoughts aren't to deep and insightful but I guess it made me sad after studying and thinking about how the early Presidents truely believed and relied on God to now, if they do believe in God they don't dare say it.

President Monson said "A man stands tallest when upon his knees".

Love this quote!

I just have a few more days left for radiation. I am so excited I may be shouting from the rooftops that I am done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well today was my birthday! I have had such a nice day. My friends Janariah and Teddi went with me to radiation and then off to lunch and shopping. I have to say It doesn't get much better then shopping with girlfriends. I love spending time with them. They are such good friends! Thanks Janariah and Teddi, love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up not to excited that it was my birthday, but then Kylie reminded me of how we all felt when I was diagnosed with cancer and the fears we had. As my family sang Happy Birthday to me with such enthusiasm and excitement, they could hardly contain themselves while watching me open the gifts they had given me. I couldn't help get alittle emotional . I looked at each of my children grinning ear to ear and and thought to my self, this is what life is all about. All of a sudden I was excited to celebrate this day and I am so grateful that I am here with family and friends to celebrate it and feeling oh so good!!

Many thanks for all the calls, cards, and gifts. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderful friends and family. Many Thanks to you all! Love Ya!!!

Surviving The Heat

I just got back from radiation. It was a quick trip up and back. Of course I made my routine stop on the out of town to get gas, drink and depending on the day some candy. I drove home grateful that I have a nice car and I can drive in this 111degree heat wave in a air conditioned car. I am also glad that I have had no car troubles. flat tires, etc......

Today I woke up exercised, went grocery shopping and had two loads of laundry done by 8:00am. Aren't I amazing? OK so your not impressed, me neither since that is about all I accomplished today. But.........I do have a good excuse, my body hurts today. My feet ,ankles, shins, calves, knees, all the way up to my shoulders. I feel like what I think a 90 year would. I can't wait to have all my pains go away. I'm sure they will, with all the vitamins I am taking, plus power of the mind, right?

This weekend we took our kids up to Zion. We watched the IPEX movie, had a picnic and went on a short hike. It was fun to get away for the day. On the way home we stopped at Grandma and Grandpas house to swim and had some strawberry shortcake. It was so good!

Whats Normal?

It's Friday and I feel like I can breathe. I'm not sure why I feel that way. It's been a nice week - nothing too stressful. But for whatever reason, I can take in slow breaths and relax.



Tonight I went to the "Look good feel better" class. It is offered by the American Cancer Society. You are invited to go after being diagnosed with cancer. I went right before I started my chemo and it was my wake up call that shouted..............YOU have cancer and you are in for a ride of your life.!!!!!!!!!!! What a reality check for me.



I remember sitting down in the conference room and watching women remove their scarves and wigs and thinking to myself: this is real and I don't want to do this. I don't want to look like this.



Tonight as I sat there the wave of emotions flooded my mind again as I watched and visited other women that were bald and listened to their stories. I felt for them and yet at the same time I was so grateful it was not me starting out. I am so glad that I am on the tail end of this incredible year. I say incredible because, well, it just was.



I was able to visit with a friend, Andrea, that I had met in the beginning. We compared our hair (she is about 3 months ahead of me). We talked about many things: how vain we felt when we just wanted our hair back , worries about how are husbands and children have taken the last year, what different women we are now, to all the firsts that we have had to do. Like going out in public for the first time with a scarf, going out with no scarf and just the stubble of hair on our heads, the first time wearing a wig, first time after surgery and looking down and not seeing any breasts. Wow!



I love being around other women that have had cancer. I feel safe, normal (everyone has about the same haircut or will have the same) and accepted. When I was diagnosed I really didn't want to have anything to do with anyone that had cancer or talk about it. But now it brings me much comfort.

Thank you for the nice compliments. It's very much appreciated.

I Feel Brave!!!

I'm finally showing my new look. I'm glad I have my little girl to help me remember what my true hair color is. But for now, I'm not sure I like the color but I am glad to have hair. That is what dye is for, right? I am hoping to get braver and start going outside without my scarf soon. That scarf is really HOT. So if you see me out and about with my new look, BE KIND.

Mini Vacation

Another week has passed. This week has flown by. I took my 3 girls and stayed at my moms in St. George. My dad was gone on a business trip so it was all girls week. It was fun, relaxing and I was able to help my mom clean her garage out. (That's not easy).Ha ha

We started out the week in Grandmas pool by Monday evening my sister-in-law Kristen had gone into labor so by brother Jimmy brought his 3 kids over. Then my other sister-in-law Jackie brought her 3 boys over. We had dinner and then my mom wanted to take all the kids on a hike in Snow Canyon. She said there was a cool hole in this rock that would be fun to take pictures. We had one 2yr, two 3yrs, one 4yr. one 5yr,one 7yr, one 8 yr, one 9yr, one 12yr.-Total of 9 children. It was me, my mom and Jackie. My mom informed us it was not a long hike for the little kids it took only about 10 minutes from where we parked. It was a nice evening the kids were full of energy so out we went. We were hiking about 15 minutes and I ask my mom are we almost there? She says yes just around this corner, to make this story short we ended up hiking up and down and around hills and we arrived about 35-45 minutes later. The kids didn't complain they were having fun and we took some pictures. We started on our way back and my mom realized she forgot her keys on one of the rocks and it was getting dark. So she goes back, Jackie and Milo stay with her and I try to keep up with the kids. We ended up hiking under a beautiful moon and arrived back at 10:30pm.

The kids had so much fun, Little Cooper who is only 2 hiked the whole time and know one ever cried. I even had fun although the whole time I was thinking of Jimmy and Kris and if they knew we were out hiking at 10pm trying to find our way out they might be freaking.

I had taken off my scarf and I felt so free, it was very liberating for me. It felt good hiking under the stars and just listening to the kids talk about random things. I felt healthy and strong .I'm glad we went, thanks mom.

The rest of the week was full of swimming, staying up late, watching movies, shopping, visiting family and of course going to radiation. Thanks Jackie for helping with my kids.

Radiation has really not been bad. I am tired but feel good. Definitely better then chemo. I think I have already said that but its so true.

I cant finish without mentioning my new little niece. She is beautiful, she has lots of black hair and is so little. Her name is Raime Rose. Hope your feeling good Kris.

No Regrets,

Sleeping like a baby

I am giving Radiation all the credit even if it doesn't deserve it! I haven't slept very well this past year. I am either awake all night or I need to be on pain pills or use sleeping pills. BUT..... since starting radiation... I fall asleep fast and sleep the whole night. Although I have enjoyed it, it has caused a few arguments with my son Jimmy who is 17. This week I got after him 2 nights in a row for not waking me up when he came home. Now don't be judging me because I'm not the mom that stays up reading by my lamp to greet my son @ midnight and visit. I always wanted to be that mom but after a few tries with Cody I threw that idea out the window and now realize I can visit and find out info over a good breakfast. Anyway back to what I was saying. I just knew Jimmy was coming home after curfew and didn't want me to find out. After getting after him and threatening to ground him or take his phone away,he got upset and swore that he had been waking me up and he was never late. He said that I had full on conversations with him asking him what he did and if he had fun. Today I came home from radiation. I gave him the look-He starts laughing and once again swore he woke me up. He said he had proof this time, he video taped us last night talking and I even said I appreciate him always coming home on time. Oh yeah, after watching the video I started laughing but inside I am still dying. I really hope radiation is to blame because if its not by the time my kids are teenagers they will be out all night.

This week has been good, I am tired of driving to St. George everyday but I really can't complain.

My hair is still growing. My kids and husband say my hair is not long enough to take the scarf off(without them being embarassed). I never thought I would want to take it off this soon but I am ready. Be looking for a picture real soon because I am finally feeling brave to show you my new hair color. It's SO not red. It does make me alittle sad but at this point in time I will take whatever I can get.

No Regrets,

First Week Of Radiation

Where do I begin? After looking at my last post it was as long as a book, sorry.

It feels like so much has happened this week, I'm not sure what or how to write. My thoughts are all over the place.

Tuesday-I started my radiation, everything seems to be alright. I don't get sick like chemo so that is wonderful.

My daughter graduated from High School.

All my kids had their last day of school Wednesday.

Wed. morning woke up with my hands pure white, numb and very painful up my arm.

Wed. Jims family arrived for the graduation made graduation dinner for everyone.

Thursday woke up same with my hands but it lasted a lot longer.

Friday woke up again to the same problem but it lasted much longer meaning it took a couple of hours for the circulation to come back.

Friday went to radiation mentioned it to the guys doing radiation 10 minutes later I was in my doctors office, 1hr later sent to emergency to get checked for blot clot in my arm. 2 hrs later Dr. said I was fine I went home. Before I left my Dr. he informed me that I was going to have a MRI and go to a eye doctor to get my left eye checked out. It has been hurting for the last 10 days. Apparently it should not be a side effect from radiation or chemo.

Friday night came home exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Saturday-Went to a cancer survivors seminar and listened to a wonderful speaker Phyllis Snow. She has had cancer twice. It was inspiring, rejuvenating, humorous and exactly what I needed.

My New Life

I hope this may bring comfort to those of you out there that have lost loved ones. My New Life

Memorial Day! Enjoy!

Whew! This week is over. It started out great on Monday. Tuesday I went for my infusion. The morning I was leaving to go Kylie was all upset, she kept saying "I thought you didn't have to go back for medicine that makes you sick?" I reassured her it was not the same and I was not coming home sick. Wednesday morning I woke up soooooooo sick, my bones hurt. Boy I felt like the biggest liar,but of course Kylie didn't say anything. I couldn't believe that this medicine would make me feel so crappy. As the day went on I felt worse, I couldn't keep anything down. Maybe the flu? I'm still not sure because all symptoms are gone except my BONES HURT and its been 3 days. Ok I'm finally getting to the reason why I am telling you all this. The first night I was so sick I was laying in my bed and I heard Kylie say her prayers. She was asking Heavenly Father to bless her mom and help her so she won't die. Hearing her say those words with such a sweet and tender voice shot right to my heart. A few minutes later I hear Savannah say her prayers and she says"Heavenly father will you please help my moms hair, its not growing back the right color. Will you help her hair grow back red and not any red it needs to be like my red hair".
I spoke to my girls in the morning about there worries. Kylie just said that seeing me so sick that day reminded her of watching me through chemo and I was so sick that she thought I might die. She also reminded me of kids telling her of people that they new that died from cancer. Savannah said that she wanted my hair back the same color because it was something that we shared and if my hair wasn't red she would now be the only one.
This has been a good reminder that this year has truly effected my family. They are doing well but like me and everyone else they too have their own worries and fears. I am grateful to hear my children pray with such faith to their Heavenly Father and realize that they are never alone.

Today was the day I thought I would start radiation but it was a dry-run as my Dr called it. Everything looked good and I will start on Tuesday. I am so excited! Really I want it to ALL be over.

I hope you all enjoy your Memorial Day! I am grateful for all the Men and Women that made this Country a place I can live with the freedoms I have and feel safe at the same time. I am grateful for my ancestor's who have passed on and endured hardships and made sacrifices for me along with my family and enjoy the legacy that they passed down.
As I was sitting in the hospital today I couldn't help but think how lucky I am. I am able to go to a hospital that is clean, has the best equipment that can help me live a longer life and has been created by someone who must be a genius. Dr's that are skilled in their profession and that I get to choose what Dr's I get to go too. Then as I was driving home from the Dr. I was thinking about how excited my children were today. They were marching down the street to go to field day with their teachers(who they love). I appreciate their teachers who also love my kids and want the very best for them.
And for the last thing I am grateful that this Memorial Day I can go to the cemetery's and see other family and friends from the community that feel the same way as I do.

Feelin Oh So Srong!

Today has been a productive day. I pulled weeds in my garden and around my house. I cleaned, picked up toys and spent most of the day outside. I felt so strong. I was hot and sweating and it was actually from working not menopause. It felt so good!


Now that I mentioned I feel so strong.....ironically my Dr. called this past week and gave me the results of my bone density test. Not good, due to chemotherapy I have osteoporosis. My Dr. gave me more vitamins to take and this week I go back to have a infusion for my bones. I am not sure how many times I will need to do this, but each time it takes about 2-3 hours. The biggest concern my Dr. has is the medication I have to take. For the next 5 years I take two pills each day and the biggest side effect from them is that they weaken the bones and basically can cause osteoporosis. With that said I need to get them back to being strong. The infusions will help. I can't believe I just had my port taken out and now I will being getting poked again. The nurses always have a hard time finding a vein (Except for you Michelle who is so good at your job!).

I have two Dr. appointments this week and I start radiation. Looks like it will be a busy week.
I hope you also have a funfilled week!

Jimmy Pulled It Off!

This past weekend Jim and I went to Salt Lake. We had a nice time we were able to spend some time with Jim's family.It was fun and relaxing; I can't beat that combo.
While we were gone Jimmy got all the kids ready for church and was so proud, that he had them take a picture. If you look real close you can see red duck tape on Rudy's shoe. He said his church shoes hurt him, his school shoes came apart at the seams over the weekend so Jimmy didn't panic he used the mighty RED duck tape to fix. Then Asia refused to take off Savannah's shoes that were to big for her and didn't match, along with cutting her own bangs that morning. Oh and her hair was still in braids from Friday morning. Jimmy called us as we were driving and told me I would die if I saw everyone dressed for Church. I have to say I just laughed and I was proud of him for getting everyone ready and taking them to Church.
I added a few pictures that represent what some of my days are like.
Savannah knowing the rules when painting nails only in the kitchen or on the bathroom floor opted not to follow those rules. Her nail polish was also red and yes it did spill. After much scrubbing I did get the polish out of the carpet.
I have Asia at home with me while the rest are at school. She has become Miss Independent. I have found her into everything. It becomes quiet and I run for the camera because I know she is doing something she shouldn't. I think its fun to have the memories of her mischief. I like these pics because you see her on her toes so determined to get what she wants.
Since I am back to feeling pretty good I clean and chase my kids around.
I also have been trying to get back in shape by walking, but my legs and feet still really hurt. I can't wait until they stop hurting. I go back to the Dr. next week maybe he will have a solution to make them feel better. If not I think a massage or pedicure would help. Don't you agree?

No Regrets,

What was good about your Day?

Do you ever wonder why you are so hard on yourself? Do you ever wonder why you look at the negative things in your life?
Well today I had to go have a bone density test. I thought while I am here in the big city of St. George I would try and find a cute shirt to match my scarves. Well I came out with nothing but a baseball cap that hopefully I can wear soon. I was somewhat discouraged, my mind went from not finding a shirt that I liked and fit to me talking to myself saying-
Man I look so old
I have alot of wrinkles
I am so out of shape
Why did I wear this scarf today?
My body hurts
I am so forgetful
I am so tired of feeling tired
My teenagers are driving me crazy

I then got in my car to drive home and started talking to myself again. Saying- Shaquel why don't you appreciate everything you have now?Why complain? When I found out I had cancer and was going through chemo my perspective changed. I looked at things differently and didn't stress about many of the little things.Now that I am feeling better, how easily I forget to appreciate and not be so negative. I really don't like to feel that way so I told myself to snap out of it before I get home. I started thinking about the good in my life.
So here are my 5 things that brought me out of my slump and smiling-
1.Driving through the gorge and seeing the beautiful mountains
2.The Temple-Saturday I am going and its much needed
3.Thinking of Asia, yesterday she gave me a hug and said you are the best mom in the whole world.
4.Listening to upbeat music on the the way home
5.Telling myself that although I may not like how I look or feel right now. It will change and I am alive to prove it.

I hope you all found the good in your day!

No Regrets,

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day to you all! Even if you don't have children you perform mothering duties to so many children. You deserve to have a nice day.

I had a wonderful weekend. On Saturday I went with my mom and sister-in-laws to feel, oh so very pampered and got massages. Afterwards we went to lunch and then did some shopping. It felt good being out and feeling somewhat normal.

On Sunday Kylie surprised me by speaking in church on Mothers. She did such a good job. She is so shy and I am so proud of her for doing it.

I received wonderful gifts from my children and husband. They really went all out this year. I love seeing the excitement my children have when giving gifts.

I met with my radiologist on Friday. He set the coordinates for my radiation. He gave me tattoos to make sure I will always receive the radiation in the right places. It was different experience. I didn't realize that along with my Dr. there is a physicist involved in the radiation process. I am learning so many new things. How lucky I am! (Kind of).

No Regrets,

No More Surgeries

I'm back, its been one week from today I had surgery. Everything went well. I have no more ovaries and my chest looks better. The Dr. ended up scraping the lining of my stomach and then moving my liver around and a whatever else is in there. The reason was to check for growths or cysts. The only real pain I have is from the Dr. doing that(I think). My mind is feeling better then my body but I'm sure my body will catch up.

Thank you to my sister Tiesha who flew into help me. She stayed with me for the first day and then took my kids up to my moms and watched them. She also cleaned my house. She has always been the giving sister full of charity. Love you! Although I have to add- she came in and saw me laying in bed feeling so sick and with nothing on my head she said"You really look like a cancer patient"I responded with"I guess that's good since I am one".

Today I went to Asia's preschool for a Mothers Day party. It was very nice. The teacher asked each child what they liked doing with their mothers. Asia said"I love to snuggle with my mom". That comment meant alot to me just because we have done that alot this year. With me being so sick I would read to her until I really didn't feel good and then we would watch Dora on TV all the while just snuggling. I have been very blessed this past year because as much as I like to snuggle with my children; I am usually up moving, cleaning and running somewhere. I can always look back and think of the memories of my children laying by my side sharing their stories, jokes, worries and kisses while we all laid in my bed when I couldn't get out.

My hair is growing slower then I would like. So far there is no hint of red. It looks blondish brown. I am still holding out that it will turn red.Oh how I hope.

No Regrets,